


but i leave in my heart

by alinaandalion



Series: i don't want to stay in the dark [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Minor Character Death, Split Queen, Suicide Attempt, contains minor amounts of captain swan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 35,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8768131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alinaandalion/pseuds/alinaandalion
Summary: When the Evil Queen returns, Regina is left to figure out how to stop her before she destroys everything.*****“I’m so scared,” Regina says, the words slipping out even though she wants to swallow them down, down, down so she can be strong and sure and stop leaning on Emma like this.  But she can’t keep it bottled up, too cracked and vulnerable without the pieces she tore out and threw away.  “I don’t know what I would do if she took Henry.  Or if she hurt you…our family—““I won’t let her,” Emma tells her.  “No matter what, I will protect Henry.  And you.  You can count on me.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [regalducky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/regalducky/gifts).



> Okay, wow, kind of can't believe I ever finished. First of all, thanks to the mods who put this together and have really made this an awesome experience. A big thank you to everyone who listened to me complain about this fic, who talked through ideas with me and basically held my hand while I flailed around a lot. A huge, huge thank you to Spark who suggested I make a change at a crucial story moment and honestly made this fic so much better. Thank you to Turtle who did a lot of early reads and discussions. A HUGE THANK YOU to Ducky for the gorgeous artwork, which you can look at [HERE](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8801617/chapters/20179213) (i'm crying, it's so beautiful). 
> 
> And now for story things: this is basically what I wanted season 6 to be. There is some overlap with canon because at a certain point, OUAT will land on a logical story idea, but that's more accidental than me actually using any of canon on purpose. Captain Swan does exist in this fic but it's a pretty minor thing for most of it. I know Henry looks 16 on the show but as he is canonically supposed to be about 13 or 14, that's how I've written him here. And I want to warn that there is some heavier stuff going on here in terms of Regina's struggle. It's in the tags but I just wanted to drop in another warning. 
> 
> So, I wanted to clarify the "character death" tag because I know it looks really scary, especially combined with the other ones. However, it is not a major character death. I would have used the archive tag if there was one. There also isn't a blood bath going on. A few mostly background characters die in this fic and I tagged for it because their deaths matter both to the plot and the other characters.
> 
> Okay, so I hope you guys enjoy the fic.
> 
> (If you want to listen to my fic playlist, you can do that [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/alinaandalion/playlist/3WSYbiQX0jRBmLdlB6dnRs?si=6lNYH9neQFisZmFREb1IuQ).)
> 
>  
> 
> *****
> 
>  
> 
> "I am sorry for the trouble, I suppose  
> My blood runs red but my body feels so cold  
> I guess I could swim for days in the salty sea  
> But in the end the waves will discolor me
> 
> So I take off my face  
> Because it reminds me how it all went wrong  
> And I pull out my tongue  
> Because it reminds me how it all went wrong  
> And I cough up my lungs  
> Because they remind me how it all went wrong  
> But I leave in my heart  
> Because I don't want to stay in the dark"  
> \- "Organs" by Of Monsters and Men
> 
> “Why does the mind do such things? Turn on us, rend us, dig the claws in. If you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart. Maybe it’s much the same.”  
> \- _The Blind Assassin_ by Margaret Atwood
> 
>  

“We just found him like this,” Emma says as she gestures to the body on the ground in front of them.  “My parents said that it’s Hyde, so I thought we should call you before doing anything.”

 

It’s a grim scene, blood splattered on the pavement, Hyde’s limbs splayed at unnatural angles like he jumped from a great height or--

 

Regina glances up at the clock tower.  “Do you think someone threw him from up there?”

 

Emma shrugs.  “It seems like that’s what happened.  But I can’t think of anyone who would have done it.  No one has seen Gold since we all got back, and we haven’t heard of anyone new showing up who would run around murdering people.”

 

Shaking her head, Regina narrows her eyes as she studies the body.  Something about this feels familiar, and she moves on instinct, plunging her hand into his chest.  Emma makes a choking sound behind her and Regina frowns as she twists her hand a little deeper.

 

“His heart is missing,” Regina says, her voice trembling as she jerks her hand free.  

 

“So, does that mean it was Gold?” Emma asks, her brow furrowed as she takes a step closer to Regina and the body.  

 

There’s a laugh, a cackle, behind them, and fear ripples down Regina’s spine.  The possibility had been lingering in the back of her mind ever since she had cut the Evil Queen out of herself, and as she turns to face the woman behind them, Regina’s heart rabbits in her chest as she struggles to take a breath.

 

“Did you really think it would be that easy to get rid of me?” the Evil Queen asks, smiling broadly as she rests her hands on her hips and starts to stride forward.  “I’m a little insulted, dear.”

 

Emma moves in front of Regina, hands outstretched.  “What do you want?”

 

“Do you actually think you can frighten me?” The Evil Queen’s voice is dark, commanding, but she stops.  “Are you going to hide behind the Savior, Regina?  Too frightened to fight your own battles?”

 

“I’m not afraid of you,” Regina snaps as she lunges forward and pushes past Emma.  “I don’t know how you’re still here but I will destroy you.”

 

“Don’t be foolish.  You need me,” the Evil Queen says, smirking.

 

“I don’t _want_ you,” Regina spits out as she draws fire into her hands and Emma steps up to stand beside her.  

 

The Evil Queen’s face freezes and she snarls, “We’ll see.”

 

Then she’s gone in a whorl of dark purple smoke.  Regina clenches her hands into fists and the fire vanishes from the tips of her fingers.  She presses trembling fingers to her mouth; Emma touches her shoulder and steps around into Regina’s view, eyes wide as she looks into Regina’s face.

 

“Regina, are you okay?”  Emma’s voice is soft, higher than normal, and Regina wants to hold onto her, anchor herself against her own terror.

 

But she can’t, and she forces herself to say, “I’m fine.  We need to talk to your parents and my sister and figure out what our next move should be.”

 

Emma nods, a little hesitant, but she says, “Yeah, I’ll call them.  Go get Zelena and meet us at the apartment.”

  


*****

  


“So what do we do?” Snow asks, eyes fixed on Regina.

 

Regina shifts and glances at Emma before admitting, “I don’t know.  I thought--I thought that I was rid of her.  It should have worked.”

 

“We thought it would,” Emma replies quietly, placing a gentle hand on Regina’s arm.  “This isn’t your fault.”

 

“Isn’t it?” Regina asks, and she stills.  She hadn’t meant to let that slip out.

 

Emma just curls her fingers and brushes her thumb against Regina’s wrist, and Regina has to fight the urge to lean into her.  She can feel Zelena’s gaze on her, and she glances at her sister.  Zelena has been silent the whole time, and it’s unusual after the amount of time Zelena has spent chattering since she moved in with Regina; Zelena has an opinion about everything and this is one time that Regina really needs to know what Zelena is thinking.

 

Zelena rolls her eyes at Regina and says, “So what?  It’s irrelevant at this point.  We need to figure out what to do, especially if she’s as dangerous as you believe.”

 

“She is,” Regina snaps.  “I burned entire villages to the ground.  I doubt she’ll be any kinder.”

 

“She’ll be worse,” Snow breathes out and her eyes are wide with fear when Regina looks back at her.  

 

“Why?” Emma asks and her hand still on Regina’s arm feels like the only thing keeping Regina from collapsing with the growing horror of Snow’s realization.

 

“Because I took all of my anger and hatred and a burning desire to hurt and pushed it into a new body,” Regina says inside a rushed exhale.  She closes her eyes, ashamed.  “There’s no balance in her, however lopsided it might have been all that time ago.”

 

“Even when you were the Evil Queen, you were still you,” Snow says.  “You were a whole person.  She’s just a piece of you.”

 

There’s something else there lurking behind Snow’s words, but Regina doesn’t dare ask, unwilling to be that vulnerable when they need her to be strong.  But she isn’t strong, not anymore.  

 

And that’s why she whispers to Zelena when they’re back in Regina’s car, “If she’s just a piece of me, what does that make me now?”

 

Zelena looks out the window quickly and sucks in a breath while Regina grips the steering wheel and swallows down the sobs clawing up her throat.  

 

Eventually, Zelena says, “I don’t know, Regina.  But we’ll fix this.”

  


*****

  


Regina takes a deep breath before knocking on the door to Jekyll’s room at Granny’s.  Emma had tried to insist on coming with her but Regina had managed to convince her to stay behind with Henry and Zelena in case the Evil Queen goes on the attack.  It’s unlikely because even at her most impulsive, she’s always recognized the benefit of making her enemies wait and suffer but she doesn’t know if that will still hold now that they’re two separate people.

 

The door opens, pulling her from her thoughts, and Jekyll smiles nervously as he says, “Can I help you?”

 

“I have some questions about your serum,” Regina says as she steps forward.  “May I come in?”

 

“Of course.  Right this way.”  He moves deeper into the room and gestures for her to take the chair at the table.

 

Regina shakes her head, opting to stay on her feet and pace the room.  She can feel his eyes on her, expectant, but she can’t bring herself to speak first.  She clenches her right hand into a fist, nails biting into her palm.

 

“You’re the one who used the serum,” he finally says.

 

She nods.  “I did it because--well, I’m sure someone has told you stories about my past by now.”  She glances at him and catches the way he’s leaning a little away from her.  “I thought it would help if I could just cut that part of myself out.  And I thought I killed her.”

 

“Did it not work?” he asks, and he sounds nervous now.

 

“I know you didn’t make it that far in your experimentation,” Regina says as she turns to face him.  “But can you think of a reason why it didn’t work?  I crushed her heart.  She shouldn’t be here in Storybrooke.  She should be gone.”

 

He pulls out a small notebook and pencil from inside his jacket and starts jotting down notes, saying, “I’ll admit that I thought killing your evil half would work.  That was my plan for Hyde, after all.  I might have to adjust that, though, if what you’re saying is true.”

 

“But Hyde is dead,” Regina says, running a hand through her hair.  He looks at her, clearly shocked, and her shoulders sag as she realizes that of course no one thought to talk to him.  

 

“He’s...dead?” Jekyll asks.  He puts his pencil down.  “How?  Who did it?  Why did your evil half survive but not mine?”

 

“I don’t know!” Regina snaps.  “The Evil Queen did it by throwing him off the clock tower, so maybe that’s what it takes.  Or maybe you never indulged in your darkest desires the way I did so you and Hyde were never as tethered as I apparently am to her.”

 

“Possibly.”  Jekyll takes his glasses off and polishes them on his shirt before putting them back on and studying her.  “How did you feel after you separated?”

 

“At first?”  Regina sighs and says, “Free.  I wasn’t afraid anymore of myself or what I might do.  But later--”

 

“You felt differently?” he prompts.

 

She turns away and wraps her arms across her stomach; she doesn’t want to tell him but there might be a clue in all of it.  “I felt weak.  Lost.  Like a shadow.”

 

“Do you still feel that way?” he asks.

 

She can hear the scratch of his pencil on the paper and she wants to burn it all away.  “More than ever.”

 

“That might be useful,” he murmurs.  “I felt the same way you did at first when I got rid of Hyde.  But that didn’t change for me.  I never wanted him back.”

 

“I don’t want her back!” Regina snaps, whirling to face him.  “I want her _gone_.  For good this time.”

 

He slips his notebook back into his jacket pocket and says, “Of course.  Regardless, these changing feelings you have might help me figure out why your evil half can survive being utterly destroyed by you.”

 

“All right,” Regina says quietly.  She starts for the door and stops.  “We’ll figure out a way to keep you safe.  If she suspects that you might be able to find a way to eradicate her, she’ll stop at nothing until you’re dead, too.”

 

“She sounds...charming,” Jekyll says with a light laugh that’s a touch too nervous.

 

Regina rolls her eyes as she leaves, muttering, “You have no idea.”

  


*****

  


When she gets home, Emma appears in the entryway, eyes worried as she reaches out to touch Regina’s arm before stopping short.

 

“How did it go?” Emma asks as Regina slips her shoes off and takes a moment to lean heavily on the wall.

 

“Just another reminder of how horrible I used to be,” Regina murmurs.  She straightens her spine and starts for the study.  “Jekyll might be able to figure something out.  But we don’t have any answers for now.  Also, your parents didn’t bother to tell him about Hyde so I got to drop that bombshell on him.”

 

“Shit.”  Emma trails after her.  “They were probably distracted by all the other...stuff.”

 

“You mean the Evil Queen,” Regina says, sighing.  “Nothing like the reappearance of Snow’s worst enemy for her to return to form and think only of herself.”

 

“Come on, Regina,” Emma says as they enter the study.  “I’m pretty sure she’s mostly just worried about you.”

 

Regina walks to her bookshelves and starts pulling down some of the older magic tomes down as she says, “Perhaps.  I just wish I knew what she wants.  It would help with figuring out who needs the most protection.”

 

“Maybe she wants revenge on you?” Emma suggests, holding out her hands to take the books from Regina.  When Regina dumps them in her arms, Emma puffs out a breath before turning to the desk.  “You were the one who tried to kill her last, after all.  And the Evil Queen probably has a whole lot of different stuff to be pissed about.”

 

“I don’t need protecting,” Regina says with a roll of her eyes as she grabs another handful of books and heads over to the desk.  “Our family, however…”

 

Emma smiles softly and flips a book open, fingers tracing over faded black ink.  “Yeah, maybe.  You’re still vulnerable, though.  Because she might be aiming to kill, but are you planning on doing the same?”

 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Regina asks, shrugging even as she refuses to meet Emma’s eyes.  “I did it once already.  I haven’t changed my position.”

 

“Okay,” Emma says, dragging the word out.  She falls silent and turns some of the pages before saying, “It would be okay if you did change your mind about wanting her dead, you know?”

 

“No, I don’t know,” Regina snaps as she slams Emma’s book shut.  

 

Frowning, Emma takes a step back from the desk.  “I mean that you don’t have to kill the Evil Queen just because you think you’re supposed to.  If you want to find a way to reverse what the serum did, I’ll help you.”

 

Regina takes a seat at her desk and opens one of the books as she says, “We have to worry about staying alive first.  Which means we need protection spells that will at least slow her down.”

 

“Okay,” Emma murmurs.  She grabs the closest book and as she’s headed to the couch, she says, “Just think about it?”

 

Regina doesn’t respond and thankfully Emma doesn’t push harder.  She doesn’t want to think about it as a possibility because she shouldn’t want it.  She shouldn’t want anything to do with that darkness anymore.  She’s better now; she’s good.  And yet--

 

She shakes her head and re-focuses on the spellbook in front of her.  They have to win.  No matter what it takes.

  


*****

  


Zelena comes in after they’ve been working for an hour.  She snatches the spellbook Regina is rifling through and wrinkles her nose.

 

“Protection spells?”  she asks after examining the spell for a moment.  “Do you really think that’ll stop her?  When she has your magic, too, Regina?”

 

“What do you suggest, Zelena?” Regina asks as she attempts for a mildly pleasant smile and reaches out her hand to get her book back.

 

Zelena shrugs and lets the book drop to the desk with a loud thump.  “I don’t know.  Take the fight to her?  Destroy her before she puts a plan into action to do the same to us?”

 

“We don’t know where she is,” Emma says, sitting up from where she’s been lounging on the couch and scrawling down possible usable spells.  “And we might not even be going with the whole destroying her plan thing anyway.”

 

“Really?”  Zelena rounds on Regina, eyes glittering with interest and maybe some lingering malice.  “Regretting losing all that darkness, Regina?  Love the evil side a little too much to let it go?”

 

“What the fuck?” Emma growls as she leaps to her feet and stalks over to Zelena.  “What is your problem?”

 

“I wouldn’t expect the Savior to understand,” Zelena sneers.  She glances back at Regina and says, “But, Regina, however, well.  She can pretend all she wants to but she misses it.  Don’t you, Sis?”

 

“Are you going to help or not, Zelena?” Regina grits out, opting to side-step Zelena’s needling.  She should have expected it.

 

Zelena sniffs and shrugs.  “I have better things to do.  I’ll leave the two of you to fiddle with mediocre magic.  Let me know when you want to actually do something.”

 

She leaves and Emma raises her eyebrows as she says, “What the fuck was that about?”

 

“She’s upset about something,” Regina says as she flips back to where she was in her book.  “Don’t let her get to you.”

 

“I’m not really worried about myself,” Emma says quietly.

 

Regina just stays focused on the spell in front of her and pretends like she’s not listening.

  


*****

  


It’s late by the time she and Emma find enough different spells that can be woven together to provide some small amount of protection.  Nothing is going to slow down the Evil Queen for long, but all Regina needs is for it to last for a few minutes to make the difference between life and death.

 

Emma had left to go and collect some personal object from Snow, David, and Hook for the spell, and Regina stretches before wandering out of the study to find Henry.  He’s still sprawled out on the couch in the living room where they’d left him after dinner, reading his biology textbook.

 

“Still doing homework?” she asks as she nudges his leg gently.

 

He starts and then grins when he sees her, rubbing at his eyes and closing the book.  “Yeah.  I’ve got a test in a couple days and thought I should study.  Ma said you figured out some sort of protection spell?”

 

“We did,” she replies as he sits up and makes room for her on the couch.  “She’ll be back later with what we need for the others, but I want to go ahead and do yours.”

 

“Okay.  Can I watch?” he says.

 

She chuckles and smoothes his messy hair.  “If you want.  It’s not as interesting as you might think.”

 

“I can always go to bed if I get bored,” he replies as he stands up.  “Come on.”

 

She smiles fondly at his eagerness and leads the way back to the study, moving to the desk again and pushing aside the scraps of paper that she won’t need.  She thinks for a moment and then summons a simple watch with her magic and examines it.  It should work for what she needs it for.

 

She picks up the first spell and places the watch in the center of the desk, back side up, and reads it off carefully.  It’s been awhile since she’s needed this kind of magic, and she stumbles over some pronunciations, grasping for rusty memories.  She breathes out as she watches the magic form over the watch and etched symbols appear in the metal.  When she’s satisfied that it’s complete, she puts the paper aside and checks her notes to make sure she’s moving to the right one next.

 

“Does the order matter?” Henry asks as she picks up another piece of paper from the small pile she has.

 

“Yes,” she says as she skims over the spell.  “We’re layering several different types of spells and in the wrong order, they won’t be as strong.”

 

She glances at him to see if he has another question but he’s just looking at the watch with rapt attention so she begins the next one.  She can already feel the drain in her magic from how exhausted she is and her unfamiliarity with what she’s doing.  But there are only three more before it’s completed, and as she finishes this one, she watches the glow around the watch intently.  It looks a little faint but when she hovers her hand over it, the thrum of magic is strong.

 

“I need to test it in between spells to make sure it’s working,” she explains absentmindedly to Henry as she nudges at it with her own magic.  

 

The backlash stings against her palm and she snatches it back with a hiss, flexing her wrist.

 

“Mom?”  Henry’s worried voice breaks through her concentration.  “Are you okay?”

 

She shakes her hand out and gives him a quick smile.  “Yes.  It was just a little stronger than I thought it would be.  Which is good.”

 

He settles again and she reaches for the next spell.  The flow of it all feels easier now, the rhythms of building with magic coming back to her as she pushes through.  She still won’t have enough to make it through all of this three times over but she’ll rest a little easier once she knows that Henry has some sort of protection.  

 

When she finishes the third, she watches the symbols carve in deeper and takes a slow breath, trying to ignore the ache in her lower back and the faint buzzing in her head.  This requires a lot but it’s never been this kind of drain on her magic.  She pushes out at the spell again with her magic, and it cuts deeper back into her hand.  She bites down on her bottom lip and tries to ignore the way the pain wells up and radiates under her skin.

 

“Are you afraid that she’s going to hurt me?” Henry says and Regina’s head jerks up to look at him.

 

“Henry,” she murmurs, reaching over to cup his cheek, fingers brushing against his skin.  “I don’t think so.”

 

“But you don’t know,” he says quietly, glancing away.

 

She sighs and steadies herself with a hand on the desk.  “I love you, sweetheart.  Every part of me loves you.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not worried about what that will look like with her.”

 

“Why did you get rid of her?” he asks, voice soft.

 

Regina closes her eyes and considers how to answer him before saying, “It’s complicated, Henry.  I thought I was doing the right thing.  I never imagined that we would be in this situation.  If I had, I might have done things differently.”

 

“It’s just that--” he stops and frowns before looking at her with fierce eyes.  “You didn’t have to do it to be good, Mom.”

 

“Well, for now, we just need to focus on keeping everyone safe,” she tells him with an unsteady smile.  “I’m almost done with the spells now.”

 

She waits for his nod to know that he understands and then goes to the next spell.  It’s a little trickier than the ones before, an obscure piece of magic that she’d landed on in the hopes that the Evil Queen won’t be able to tear it to pieces within moments.  But it also requires more.  She picks up a small pin she’d set aside and halfway through her recitation, she pricks her right index finger and squeezes out three drops of blood onto the metal back of the watch.

 

It shimmers and hisses on the surface before slipping into the deepening symbols and Regina holds her hand over the watch, smiling at the way the magic crackles.  She starts immediately on the last spell, the words rolling heavy off her tongue as she pushes more magic into it and she can feel the interwoven pieces now, traces out the separate pieces of magic even as it all settles.  

 

She picks up the watch and holds it out to Henry as she says, “It’s done.  You have to promise that you’ll wear it no matter what.  And if anyone tries to hurt you while you’re wearing it, I’ll know and I can be there in seconds.”

 

He takes it from her and fastens it around his wrist immediately, brow furrowed as he adjusts it and examines the way it looks on his wrist.  Regina sits down on the edge of the desk and tries to breathe through the pounding of her head.  She hadn’t expected to be so drained of her strength; it could be a side-effect of the separation because this is the first time she’s extended herself with her magic since then.  

 

“Mom, are you okay?” Henry asks, his voice sounding like he’s standing far away.  

 

She opens her mouth to answer but her body gives out instead and everything goes dark.

  


*****

  


Someone is shaking her by the shoulders and it’s only making the pounding in her head worse.  Regina swallows and groans, pushing weakly at whoever is holding onto her.

 

“Regina, wake up,” and that’s Zelena’s voice cutting through the fog around her as the grip on Regina’s shoulders tightens.

 

Regina struggles to open her eyes and glares at Zelena when she manages it.  “Let go of me.”

 

Henry leans over Zelena’s shoulder to look at Regina, face drawn and pale.  “Mom?”

 

“I’m fine, Henry,” Regina says, sighing as she braces her hands on the floor and pushes herself upright into a sitting position.  “I just didn’t expect for those spells to drain my magic so much.”

 

“Take it slow,” Zelena says, still refusing to let go of Regina.  She cranes her neck to look at Henry.  “Go get some water and juice for your mother.  And something for her to eat.”

 

Henry scrambles up off the floor and runs out of the study.  Zelena grips Regina’s hands and pulls her to her feet, guiding her in the direction of the couch.  She deposits Regina roughly onto the couch and Regina groans, half out of irritation and half out of actual discomfort.  

 

“You don’t have to manhandle me,” Regina snaps but even that doesn’t have the bite it normally does.  

 

Zelena freezes, eyes wide but then she shakes her head.  “Just trying to help my dear old sis after she was stupid enough to play with too much magic.”

 

“I shouldn’t have reacted that way,” Regina says as she leans back into the cushions, head still spinning.  “Those protection spells are powerful but I shouldn’t be this drained.”

 

“Do you think you lost some of your strength after you used that serum?” Zelena asks, moving to sit on the couch beside Regina, keeping a steady hand on her shoulder.  

 

Regina swallows and presses her right hand over her eyes.  “I don’t know.  I don’t _feel_ any different.”

 

Henry barrels back into the room then, two glasses clutched in his hands.  Zelena reaches out for them and once he hands them off, he rushes back out.  Zelena considers the glass of water and the glass of juice, finally handing the juice off to Regina.

 

“Slow sips,” she instructs lazily.

 

Regina rolls her eyes but takes the orange juice and sips at it very slowly.  Zelena smiles, satisfied, then drinks some of the water.  The sour-sweet juice feels on the verge of being too rich for her, but the shaky faintness has already started to slightly fade. Henry reappears with his arms full of sleeves of every different kind of cracker from the pantry and also the dark chocolate she keeps stored on the highest shelf.

 

Zelena’s eyes light up at the sight of the chocolate, but Henry hands that off to Regina.  She suppresses a smile and also takes the sleeve of plain saltines he offers.  

 

“Is the juice helping?” Henry asks as he sits on the floor and crosses his legs, studying Regina’s face.

 

Regina nods and works on pulling the saltines open. “Yes.  I should be back to normal in no time.”

 

“Until then, why don’t you share some of that chocolate?” Zelena suggests, already leaning over to pluck it out of Regina’s lap.

 

“No,” Regina replies with a calm smile, slapping away Zelena’s eager fingers.  “You can get your own.”

 

Zelena huffs and stands up.  “Fine.  I need to check on Robyn.  Henry, stay here and make sure she finishes that juice.”

 

She stalks out and Henry moves to the couch, moving gingerly in an effort to keep from jostling Regina.  She hides her smile between her glass and plucks out a saltine from the package.  She should eat something but now that she feels less faint and just hungry, the crackers don’t seem as appetizing.

 

“How do you feel about getting bacon cheeseburgers?” Regina asks even as she gets up from the couch and goes to find her phone.

 

“It’s after nine,” he says slowly as he trails after her.  “But okay.”

 

“Send a text to Emma.  She can pick them up on her way back,” Regina says while she dials the number for Granny’s.  When Ruby answers, she says, “Yes, I’d like four bacon cheeseburgers.”

 

“It’s after nine,” Ruby says, a whine creeping into her voice.

 

“Are you still open?” Regina asks, smirking a little at Ruby’s mumbled assent.  “Well then.  Four bacon cheeseburgers.  Emma will be by to pick them up.”

 

“Four?” Henry asks after she hangs up.

 

“Your aunt might complain if she’s left out,” Regina says as she leans her weight onto the desk.  “Come on, let’s go find something to watch while we wait for Emma.”

  


*****

  


It takes a lot of reassurances that she’s fine before Henry finally agrees to go to bed, but once she’s gotten him settled in his room, Regina goes straight to her bedroom.  She only remembers that Emma is still there when Emma trails in after her, and Regina immediately stops, body stiff as she tries to think of a way to gracefully move them both to another room.

 

Then Zelena wanders in and Regina can feel her headache coming back all over again.  

 

“Oh, you’re still here,” Zelena says when she sees Emma.  “Are you dating my sister now or is this just some bonding time that you didn’t want to include me in?”

 

“Oh my God,” Emma mutters, flushing.  

 

“Behave or I won’t let you stay,” Regina says as she steps in between Emma and Zelena.  “Unless you’re only here to bother me?”

 

“I wanted to talk to you about how your evil half is wandering around town plotting her revenge, but I can understand if you need to prioritize making eyes at the Savior,” Zelena snaps as she wanders over to the bed and plops down on top of it.

 

“You want to be involved now?” Regina asks, raising her eyebrow, not quite believing this change of heart.

 

“I said I didn’t want to help with your stupid idea of warding her off,” Zelena replies.  “I am interested in helping with the rest of it.”

 

“Maybe we don’t need your help,” Emma says as she glares at Zelena.

 

“We’re going to need her help,” Regina says quickly before Zelena can get it into her head to flounce out.  “I don’t know how splitting myself apart has affected my magic.  If she’s stronger than I am, well--”

 

“We could be fucked,” Emma finishes and Regina winces.

 

“Eloquent as always,” Zelena says with a snort.  “Now, do you have a plan?”

 

“I haven’t exactly had a chance to figure anything out,” Regina says, sighing.  “She’ll probably raid my vault so we should try to get there first if she hasn’t already.  And until we know what she’s going to do, no one should wander around alone.”

 

“Well, the easiest way to figure out what she might do is think about what you would have done when you were still the queen,” Emma says.  “It might not be the exact same but it could get us closer.”

 

“Things have changed so much since then,” Regina says quietly.  “I was so focused on your mother and getting my revenge.  I don’t think that will be the case here.”

 

“Then what?” Zelena snaps.  “How hard can it be to think like her?”

 

“I cut her out so I didn’t have to anymore!” Regina shoots back.  

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Emma says, coming up behind Regina and touching her shoulder gently.  “We don’t have to figure it all out at once.”

 

“She’s dangerous,” Regina murmurs as she steps away from Emma, skin warming uncomfortably.  “You never saw what I did.  Either of you.  And if she’s worse than I could have ever dreamed of being, then I don’t know what we can do.”

 

“Giving up can’t be the answer, Regina,” Emma replies.  “We’ve done the impossible before.  We can handle this.”

 

“We can’t do anything else tonight,” Regina says with a long sigh.  She turns to look at Emma.  “You should go and stay with your parents.  If anything happens, call me.  I don’t think she’ll try anything tonight, but just in case…”

 

Emma nods and gives her a quick smile.  “Yeah, no problem.  I’ll come back tomorrow.  Just, try to get some sleep, okay?”

 

“I’ll try,” Regina says softly.

 

After Emma leaves, Regina glances back at Zelena who has taken to lounging on the bed and flipping through the book Regina had left on her bedside table.  

 

“You’ve been quiet a lot recently,” Regina says as she sits down at the end of the bed.  “What’s going on?”

 

“I don’t have a lot to say,” Zelena says with a shrug.  When Regina snorts, Zelena glares at her.  “Fine.  I want to know why you did something this stupid to begin with.  How did you think this would turn out?  Did you actually think that this would make you a good person?”

 

“What does it matter to you?” Regina asks in a low voice, feeling a slow tide of anger welling up.  “It was my decision.  Why are you so angry with me about it?”

 

“You went to someone who could never understand what it’s like!” Zelena snarls, face twisting up with her anger.  “I might not have the same fascination with being a hero as you, but I do understand what it’s like to have that need to hurt people.  I could have helped but it’s clear that you don’t trust me to actually be a part of your life.”

 

Regina sighs and looks away.  “You don’t understand anything if that’s what you think.  I was tired of being afraid of myself.  You don’t know what that’s like because you don’t care enough about doing the right thing.”

 

“And, what, killing Hades was just a fluke?” Zelena asks.  “I did that for you because you needed me to protect you and do what was right.”

 

“I can’t count on you, though,” Regina says and she holds Zelena’s gaze.  “How interested are you in actually changing?  Do you even think that you should?”

 

“Not if it means mutilating myself and who I am,” Zelena says as she stands up.  “If that’s what it takes to be redeemed or whatever you want to call it, I don’t have any interest in it.”

 

Then Zelena disappears in a plume of green smoke.  Regina growls out a curse because she knows that wherever Zelena just went, she’s certainly not still in the house.  She only becomes more certain when Robyn starts crying and she can’t hear Zelena going to her.  Groaning, she grabs her phone and hits the speed dial for Emma as she makes her way to the nursery.

 

“Are you okay?” Emma asks when she picks up and Regina smiles just a little as she cranes her neck to hold the phone against her shoulder while she reaches down to pick up Robyn.

 

“Zelena just left the house, and I don’t know where she is,” Regina says, bouncing Robyn a little in her arms and rubbing gentle circles on her back.  “Can you come over and look after Robyn while I go look for her?”

 

“Regina, you can’t go out there when you’re still weak from earlier,” Emma replies, sighing.  “Look, I can try to find Zelena but I need you to stay there.”

 

“It’s not safe for you out there,” Regina protests.

 

“And it is for you?” Emma asks.  “You know I’m right.  Zelena’s not stupid.  She’s not going to go looking for trouble.”

 

“Unless she decides to join up with the Evil Queen just to spite me,” Regina mutters.

 

“Do you think she’d actually do that?”  Emma says.

 

Regina sighs and glances down at Robyn, smiling a little. “No, probably not.  She’s impetuous and annoying, but I don’t think she’s stupid enough to think that’s safe.  Especially not for Robyn.”

 

“Okay.  Just promise me you won’t go chasing after your crazy sister.  I’d come over to wait with you but my mom is freaking out and I’m a little worried that she might do something stupid herself,” Emma says with a small laugh.

 

“I won’t go anywhere,” Regina agrees, smiling fondly.

 

Emma yawns and mumbles, “Okay, great.  I’ll talk to you when I get there in the morning.”

 

“Goodnight, Emma,” Regina says quietly before hanging up the phone.  

 

Robyn stirs a little more fretfully and chubby baby hands tug at Regina’s shirt.  She holds Robyn close against her chest and presses a soft kiss to her forehead as she starts to pace the nursery.  

  
  


*****

  


She’s almost asleep by the time Zelena appears in the nursery, face drawn, and Regina shifts in the rocking chair, suddenly aware of how stiff her back is.  

 

“You have a bed,” Zelena says without the usual bite.

 

Regina glances in the direction of the crib and says in a quiet voice, “Robyn was having some trouble sleeping.  It was easier to stay.”

 

Zelena nods and leans over the crib, reaching in to stroke her forefinger along Robyn’s cheek before turning and walking out.  Regina stares after, taken aback, but she shakes it off and groans softly as she stands and follows after Zelena.

 

“You can’t just run off every time you get angry,” Regina says as they hover in the hallway.  “Not now.  You have a child.  You could have been in danger  You have to--”

 

“I met the Evil Queen tonight,” Zelena interrupts.

 

Regina sucks in a breath; she reaches out a hand to brush against Zelena’s shoulder but drops it at the last second.  “Did she hurt you?  What happened?”

 

“We...talked,” Zelena says, shrugging.  She looks at Regina and gives her a small, tired smile.  “She’s like you.  I should have expected that, but after all of you spent so much time being worked up over her, I expected her to try and kill me.”

 

“What do you mean that she’s like me?” Regina asks and she feels like it might be the exhaustion because it makes sense but it doesn’t match what she’s seen since the Evil Queen’s return.

 

“Well, not exactly like you,” Zelena replies.  “But you’re not exactly like yourself right now, either, are you?”

 

Regina winces and rubs her hand over her eyes.  She can’t think of anything to say because she _feels_ different; but wasn’t that the _point_?  

 

“What did you talk about?” Regina finally asks.

 

Zelena sighs and rolls her eyes.  “She wants me to join her.  Or, something like that.”

 

“Are you thinking about it?” Regina says and she tries to keep her voice neutral.

 

“As if I would tell you if I were,” Zelena scoffs.  She softens the next moment and says, “I don’t think you made the right choice when you split yourself but I do trust you.”

 

“What choice would you have wanted me to make?” Regina asks, huffing a little.

 

“To not do it at all!” Zelena replies, voice rising.  “Why do you owe them half of yourself?  

 

“It wasn’t about anyone but me,” Regina says as she steps forward, crossing her arms over her chest.  “And I don’t need your approval for anything I do.  And certainly not this.”

 

“But why did you do it?” Zelena says and she’s dropped back down some, focused intently on Regina.  “If we all have to make choices about whether or not we do good, then why did you feel the need to rip that part of yourself out?  Why were you so afraid?”

 

Regina is tempted to turn and walk away because she doesn’t owe Zelena this.  No one else had questioned why she would want that part of herself gone, and it burns that it’s Zelena who is so confused.  And maybe she can’t explain it.  How she carries that fear around inside her, how It’s been that way for years and even now, when she’s supposed to be free, all she’s managed to do is let that part of herself out and free to wander and hurt at will.

 

And the worst part is that she’s still not sure herself.  Everything feels wrong, and it shouldn’t.  This is her chance to finally be good, to go forward and do good without doubt, and all she feels is hollowed out.

 

“If I had realized what would come of it, I’d never have done it,” Regina finally says, the only concession she can make right now.

 

Zelena just looks disappointed.  “That’s not what I asked.”

 

“I’m going to bed,” Regina tells her in a firm voice and then she walks away.

 

 

*****

 

 

Snow and David bring Hook and Jekyll with them the next day.  Emma is already there, lounging with a spell book on one of the couches in Regina’s study, and Regina catches Emma rolling her eyes at the way Hook is skulking around the house and glaring at Regina.  But then Emma puts the book aside and wanders over to him with a soft smile, pressing a kiss to his cheek, and Regina turns away, grateful for the way a fretful Snow hands Neal off to her.

 

“We upset his morning routine,” Snow explains in a rushed breath even though Neal is barely fussy at all, more focused on wrapping a chubby hand around the end of Regina’s loose ponytail.  “But David and I thought it would be best if we came over now to get to work.”

 

Regina hums and settles Neal more comfortably on her hip as she says, “I don’t exactly know what you’re going to do.  Emma and I are going to finish the protection spells today, and after that, we haven’t figured out how to proceed.”

 

David joins them and wraps an arm around Snow’s waist, saying, “Well, we’ve fought her before.  We know how to win.”

 

“No, you’ve fought me before,” Regina corrects him, wincing when Neal tugs enthusiastically on her ponytail.  She reaches back and tries to get his fingers away from her hair as she says, “We can predict some of what she might do, but I don’t know if the split will make her significantly different.”

 

“How so?” Snow asks.  She moves and manages to free Regina’s ponytail from Neal’s grasp, smiling when he laughs and reaches out for her.  “Would the split make her that unpredictable?”

 

Regina presses her lips together and just hands Neal back to Snow, opting to look around for Emma.  Even the possibility of conversation with Hook feels more palatable than trying to explain her current mental state to Snow, much less what the Evil Queen’s might be.

 

And as if Emma can sense when Regina needs her, Emma floats back to Regina’s side.  “So, I was just talking to Jekyll and he might have some ideas about what to do next.”

 

“Like what?” Regina asks as she turns to look at Emma, suppressing a frown when she sees Hook looming over Emma’s shoulder.

 

Emma shrugs and says, “He wasn’t specific.  He’s a little jumpy, and since you were the last person to really talk to him about it, I thought you might want to hear his ideas firsthand.”

 

Regina nods and says, “Of course.  Come on.”

 

“Oh, you need me to talk to him?” Emma asks.

 

Regina raises an eyebrow and says, “No, but it helps to have a second opinion on these things.”

 

“It’s just that--“ Emma flushes and glances at Hook before mumbling, “I promised Killian that we could get breakfast together.”

 

Regina freezes, unable to respond because she can’t be jealous.  She has no right and there’s no reason that Emma can’t go.  Except, except—

 

“We can talk about it later, then,” Regina manages to get out, stepping back from Emma automatically.

 

“Okay,” Emma replies with a soft smile.  “Do you think Henry can come, too?  I don’t think he’s eaten yet.”

 

Regina is about to protest because she doesn’t really want to have Henry wandering around without her right now, but Hook responds first.

 

“I thought it would just be the two of us, love,” he says, voice edged with irritation.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Emma agrees with a small shrug of her shoulders.  “Probably best if the kid doesn’t get too far away from home right now, anyway.”

 

And it’s what Regina wanted, or mostly anyway, but she can’t help the wave of anger at the fact that Hook seems so smug as he takes Emma by the hand and leads her away.  A perfect prize, the docile Savior, and Regina burns with rage at the thought.  But she can’t dwell on it because she still has to speak with Jekyll.

 

She looks around the room and finds him hovering in front of her bookshelves, examining one book with particular interest.  She walks over and suppresses a smile when she sees that his attention has been caught by her copy of _The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_.

 

“Is this my story?” Jekyll asks, fingers catching at the top of the book’s spine and tugging it free.

 

“It’s a version at the very least,” Regina says.  “The man who wrote it said that the inspiration came to him in a nightmare.”

 

“Yes, well,” Jekyll murmurs, pressing the palm of his hand to the book’s front cover, “it was a nightmare.”

 

“And it’s not anymore?” Regina asks.

 

He glances up and smiles.  “I don’t have to be afraid anymore.  I’m free.”

 

There’s something about that that’s unsettling, and Regina frowns, tempted to tug the book free from his grasp.  It can’t do any harm for him to read it, not when his story is already being told and changed from whatever might be contained in those pages.  But there’s still something there, something about this that makes her hesitant to trust him.

 

Maybe she’s just resentful that he seems to be fine without Hyde while she can’t seem to feel at peace.  She can tell herself all she wants that it’s because the Evil Queen is a threat she needs to deal with, but it feels less like fear and more like—no, she can’t allow it.  She made her choice and taking it back now would be wrong.

 

“I’m glad,” she finally manages to say.  She motions to the book.  “Feel free to take it.  I doubt it will provide any insight to our situation, but you might find it interesting.”

 

“Did you find this world’s version of your story to be interesting?” he asks, eyes glinting with what she thinks might be amusement.

 

She bristles at that and replies, “I found it to be inaccurate.  Now we have work to do.”

 

She doesn’t wait for a response, walking away instead while she tries to understand why she can’t seem to reach her anger, which would have been her normal response.  Instead she’s just…tired.  And ashamed.

 

 

*****

 

 

When Emma gets back later that morning, Regina catches sight of her and Hook on the front porch kissing.  And Regina just…watches, a little sick, heart beating heavily in her chest as Emma laughs and steps away from him with pink cheeks and this shy smile.

 

“Jealous?” Zelena’s voice is to her right, low and too amused.

 

Regina starts and glares at her.  “Of course not.  She’s happy with him and I just—I just lost Robin.”

 

Zelena arches an eyebrow and says, “Denial doesn’t suit you, sis.”

 

“You’re seeing things that aren’t there,” Regina snaps even as she feels the heat rising in her cheeks.  “Come on.  Emma’s back to talk about what our plan is.”

 

“From what I understand, it’s just to wait for the Evil Queen to kill all of us,” Zelena says as Regina walks off.  “How did these heroes defeat you the first time around?”

 

Regina chuckles, bitter and dry as she remembers.  “They didn’t.  Well, they did temporarily.  And then I tore the world apart.”

 

“Do you think she’ll do something like that?” Zelena asks as she follows after Regina.

 

Regina stops and this is the thing she hasn’t admitted to anyone because she hates that there’s even a part of her left that can remember this, that can think through what the Evil Queen might do.  Maybe it’s just memory and the fact that she can’t ever erase her past; or maybe it’s an indication that she’ll never be free.  That she’ll always be chained to her darkest impulses.

 

“If the point is to make me suffer, then no,” Regina says quietly, staring down at the ground.  “She’ll kill all of you and steal Henry and make him in her own image.  And after---well.  She’ll keep me alive.”

 

“It sounds like a curse,” Zelena murmurs, and she reaches out and takes Regina’s hand, squeezing a little too hard.

 

“Except it won’t require her to sacrifice anything,” Regina says, slipping free from Zelena’s grasp.

 

Emma walks in then, still smiling, but she stops short in the entryway when she sees Regina.

 

“Did something happen?” Emma asks as she steps forward and reaches out to Regina.

 

Regina shies away and says, “No.  Come on.  You’re late.”

 

 

*****

 

 

It’s Snow who suggests it first.  She does seem pained to even say it, eyes darting to David for reassurance, but she puts into words.

 

“We have to kill her,” Snow repeats and she’s firmer this time, jaw setting as she meets Regina’s eyes.  “It’s what you tried to do, Regina.  We just need to make sure it sticks this time around.”

 

Regina just breathes in and glances away because she knows the expected response.  Thankfully Emma says something first.

 

“Why do we have to kill her?” Emma asks, frowning as she leans forward in her chair.  “It didn’t even work, and Regina might feel differently now.”

 

“Why?” David replies immediately.  He pauses, and Regina can feels his gaze on her as he continues, “I thought you wanted to be free of that part of yourself.  But you’ve changed your mind?”

 

Clearing her throat, Regina says carefully, “I haven’t.  But I am concerned that there’s something that will keep her here despite our best efforts to kill her.  She shouldn’t have survived after I crushed her heart.”

 

“Which is why we shouldn’t be rushing around to try again,” Emma says, glancing over at Regina.  “And we don’t even know what she wants.”

 

“Oh, she wants you dead,” Zelena pipes up.  She smirks and lounges more dramatically in her armchair.  “She told me as much last night.”

 

“You failed to mention that,” Regina says, irritation spiking.

 

“Wait, you saw the Evil Queen last night?” Emma glares at Zelena, eyes narrowing.  “What did she want with you?”

 

“Oh, to strut around and brag vaguely about her plans,” Zelena says with a dismissive wave of her hand.  “She’s very dramatic.”

 

Regina snorts and ignores the way Zelena rolls her eyes.  “She wanted to attempt to recruit Zelena.  It didn’t work, obviously, but it did confirm what I believed she’s planning.”

 

“She wants to work with you?” Emma studies Zelena for a moment before turning her attention to Regina.  “Why not let the Evil Queen believe that she has an ally?  Zelena could bring back information.  Play a double double-agent.”

 

“No,” Regina says immediately before Zelena can latch onto this terrible, terrible idea.  “She’s dangerous.  I won’t risk my sister’s life for something that won’t even work.  She won’t trust Zelena at this point, and she’s not actually interested in any ‘sisterly bonding.’  She’ll kill Zelena before this is over if she can.”

 

“And the rest of us as well,” Snow says in a decisive tone.  “We need to strike first because she’ll expect us to be weak and forgiving.  We can’t risk it.”

 

“And we don’t know enough to run around with that as a plan,” Emma says, voice flat.  “We’re not going to risk Regina’s life just to save ourselves.”

 

“We’re trying to save her!” Snow says, clearly exasperated.  “The Evil Queen isn’t who she is anymore.  This is what Regina wants!”

 

And then Emma, oh sweet, sweet Emma who hasn’t stopped stealing quick glances at Regina this whole time, stands up and says in a low voice, “I said we’re not doing that.”

 

Regina starts to stand up, saying, “Emma—“ but Snow cuts her off.

 

“It’s not your decision, Emma.  And, frankly, you’ve never faced the Evil Queen so you can’t possibly understand how dangerous she is.”

 

“And you’re not listening,” Emma replies, standing up and crossing her arms over her chest.  “So I think you should go.”

 

“Emma,” Snow protests, but Regina reaches over and lays a gentle hand on Snow’s arm.

 

“I’ll talk to her,” Regina tells her quietly.

 

And Snow turns to her with wide eyes.  “Do you agree with her?”

 

Regina lets her hand slip from Snow’s arm and says, “I didn’t say that.  But we’re not accomplishing anything right now.  We can talk later.”

 

Snow studies her face, and Regina forces herself not to shrink away from the scrutiny.  But then Snow relents and stands, motioning to David for them to leave.  Jekyll trails after them, and Hook goes too after Emma shakes her head at him.

 

Once they’re alone, Emma turns to Zelena and says, “You can go, too, if all you have to offer is the same plan.”

 

“She’s my sister,” Zelena replies with a shrug.  “I don’t like their plan because I don’t think we should kill her.  But your idea of waiting around is terrible.”

 

“I don’t have a plan,” Emma says quietly.  She turns to Regina and says, “What I want to know is what you want, Regina.  Not what you think we should do or what the right thing to do is.  I just need to know:  do you want to kill the Evil Queen or do you want to try to find another way?”

 

“I’ve already tried to kill her once,” Regina says slowly, trying to hedge and knowing it won’t work.

 

“Not what I asked.  What do you want?” Emma asks, getting up and walking over to Regina.  She kneels down on the floor and takes Regina’s right hand in her own.  “If we kill her, we can’t take that back.  So I need for you to be sure.”

 

Regina tugs her hand free, throat closing up because she can’t breathe when Emma is this gentle, this careful, eyes wide and vulnerable.  She can’t trust herself, not now, and giving in to what she wants has never resulted in anything but heartache.

 

“We have to stop her,” Regina whispers and she tries to blink back tears as she trembles.  “I don’t get to have the luxury of getting what I want, Emma.  And I don’t know what that is anyway.”

 

“We’ll stop her,” Emma says, voice firm, hand steady as she reaches out and rests it on Regina’s knee.  “But we don’t have to kill her to do that.  We have the cuff and if we could just get it on her…”

 

Regina can’t help it.  She flinches at the suggestion, and she catches Zelena’s automatic recoil in the corner of her eye.

 

“Regina?” Emma prompts quietly.  “I know that it’s not the best option, but we have to be sure that she can’t hurt us.”

 

“No, you’re right,” Regina says, and she reaches out, dares to cover Emma’s hand with her own.  “It’s our best option right now.”

 

Emma nods and smiles a little.  “Okay.  I’ll find it and get it, and we’ll end this.  After that, what we do is up to you.”

 

Emma stands and her hand slips out from under Regina’s.  Regina stays where she is and listens as Emma walks to the front door and leaves.

 

Then Zelena speaks.  “You want to reverse the split, don’t you?”

 

“No,” Regina says immediately, twisting her fingers together.

 

Zelena huffs and says, “You don’t have to bother with lying to me.”

 

Regina sighs and bows her head.  “But I shouldn’t.”

 

 

*****

 

 

When Regina walks into her house a few days later, something feels wrong.  Normally Henry will hear her come in and wander to the door to greet her, but as she pulls her shoes off and places them side-by-side along the wall, he doesn’t appear.  She tries to ignore her rising concern as she goes to the kitchen, thinking that he might be too busy raiding the fridge since it seems like he can’t stop eating while he grows and grows and grows.

                                           

And when she sees the Evil Queen in her kitchen, apron tied around her waist, she almost laughs.  But then she catches sight of Henry standing in the corner, watching with wide, wary eyes, and her fear is almost overwhelming.

 

“Oh, you’re home,” the Evil Queen says with a wide smile as she leans onto the kitchen island.  “Henry mentioned that we could expect you.”

 

“What are you doing here?” Regina asks, edging along the wall to get to Henry.  He starts when she reaches out and grabs his shoulder, but he quickly leans into her side, letting her push him a little behind her body.

 

The Evil Queen’s smile widens even more, eyes glinting dangerously as she watches them.  “I’m baking cookies for my son.  I thought he might want a snack when he came home from school.”

 

“Baking cookies?” Regina scoffs.  “Are you trying to bribe my son?”

 

“Are you afraid that it will work?  Are you worried that he might want to spend time with me?” The Evil Queen chuckles and runs her hand over the granite countertop as she saunters around the island and approaches them.  “I am your mother, too, Henry.  You should know I won’t hurt you.”

 

“Mom?” Henry’s voice cracks, and Regina reaches behind to take his hand, squeezing it briefly.

 

“And you won’t take him, either,” Regina says as she summons fire to her left hand.

 

“Not yet,” the Evil Queen says lightly.  “But after I’ve _ruined_ you?  He’ll come running to me.”

 

“You don’t have to do that,” Henry says, and he steps out from behind Regina, chin held high as he stares at the Evil Queen.  “You’re my mom, too.  I love both of you.”

 

“She’s made her choice, darling,” the Evil Queen says and her smile falters before she plasters it back into place, more terrifying than before.  “And she’ll only hold us back.”

 

“From what?” Henry asks before Regina can stop him.

 

“Oh, I have plans,” the Evil Queen tells him, reaching out to touch his cheek.  “Such big, big plans for the two of us.”

 

Regina snarls and steps in between them, using magic to push the Evil Queen away.  The Evil Queen hisses and draws herself up.  Regina is prepared to fight her, hand poised to whisk Henry away to safety, but then the oven timer dings.

 

The Evil Queen freezes and then lets that terrible, false smile spread across her face as she says, “Enjoy the cookies, Henry.  We’ll see each other again.”

 

She disappears in a cloud of purple smoke and Regina turns immediately to Henry, hands gripping his shoulders too tight as she examines him for any harm as her heart beats wildly against her ribs.

 

“Mom, Mom, I’m fine,” he protests.  “She was here when I got home and she just asked me about school.  I’m fine.”

 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she murmurs, crying a little as she lets him go and tries to steady herself.  “I was just so worried.  She could have taken you.”

 

“But I’d be okay,” he says as the oven timer goes off again.  “She said she wouldn’t hurt me.  She loves me, Mom.”

 

“She doesn’t know how to love, Henry,” Regina says, throat raw and aching as she walks to the oven and pulls on an oven mitt before taking the tray of cookies out.

 

Henry comes up behind her and cranes his neck over her shoulder.  “Peanut butter chocolate chip are my favorite.”

 

“I know,” Regina murmurs.  She drops the cookie sheet on top of the stove and waves her hand over the perfectly baked cookies, vanishing them with a thought.

 

 

*****

 

 

Emma comes when she calls.  Emma shows up on her front porch with concerned eyes, and it takes everything Regina has to not fall apart.  She takes Emma to the study and pulls the door closed and sinks onto a couch, head falling into her hands.

 

“Regina?” Emma asks.  “What happened?”

 

“She was here,” Regina whispers.  “She was here in my house, and she talked to Henry.  Emma, she could have taken him and I wouldn’t have been able to stop her.”

 

“Oh my God,” Emma says, and Regina feels the rough brush of her shoulder as Emma sits down beside her.  “Do you think she would take him?”

 

“Of course she would.  She wants him for herself,” Regina says, and she chokes on a sob.  “I don’t know what to do, Emma.  She’ll _ruin_ him.”

 

Emma looks at her helplessly and asks, “Do you think she loves him?”

 

And Regina closes her eyes, heart heavy as a stone in her chest.  “Of course she does.”

 

Of course, because there has never been a part of her that hasn’t loved Henry with absolute certainty.  This hasn’t been a question she’s pondered because this is the one sure thing she has had since she first held him in her arms.

 

Emma’s hand catches her elbow, fingers pressing too hard.  “Then, why—“

 

“Because that doesn’t mean she won’t hurt him!” Regina pulls free of Emma’s grasp and stares at her, willing Emma to understand.

 

She can feel tears springing into her eyes, and she presses her palms against them, hands shaking as she tries to breathe.  Emma murmurs something, but she can’t hear or think beyond the fact that the Evil Queen was so close to whisking Henry away and Regina knows that she can’t prevent it if she’s truly determined.  There’s a ticking clock somewhere, time running out, and Regina is helpless, adrift and unsure as her magic falters when she needs it most, and she just needs Emma to understand this one thing.

 

“She loves him,” Regina chokes out.  “And my mother loved me.”

 

“Regina,” Emma says immediately, voice soft, and Regina looks at her.  “You’re not your mother.  You couldn’t ever be her.”

 

“You don’t know that,” Regina says, thinking of all that time spent holding so hard onto her son, disappointed and afraid and unwilling to even think of letting him go.

 

“Yeah, I do,” Emma says and then her hands are on Regina’s shoulders, grasp gentle and careful, thumbs brushing along the slope.  “I saw you at your worst, remember?  But you’ve always protected him.  You’ve always loved him and I can’t believe that the Evil Queen will be any different.”

 

“But we _are_ different,” Regina whispers.  “Both of us because I tore us in two.  She’s not the Regina you knew; and neither am I.”

 

“I still know you,” Emma says, and she leans in, smile warm as she squeezes Regina’s shoulders.  “And I know that you’re nothing like your mother.  The Evil Queen might not love our son the same way you do, but she does, and he loves you.”

 

“I’m so scared,” Regina says, the words slipping out even though she wants to swallow them down, down, down so she can be strong and sure and stop leaning on Emma like this.  But she can’t keep it bottled up, too cracked and vulnerable without the pieces she tore out and threw away.  “I don’t know what I would do if she took Henry.  Or if she hurt you…our family—“

 

“I won’t let her,” Emma tells her.  “No matter what, I will protect Henry.  And you.  You can count on me.”

 

“I know I can,” Regina replies.

 

 

*****

 

 

She gets a text from Emma the next day suggesting that they meet for lunch at Granny’s.  Regina smiles at the string of emoticons and agrees.  With the threat of the Evil Queen wandering the town, Regina’s work as mayor has mostly revolved around creating suitable curfews to keep the populace out of the way and putting evacuation plans into place for the eventuality that the Evil Queen will attack somewhere public.

 

She’s also been dancing around the issue of how they’re going to handle the Evil Queen, and the City Council is only growing more suspicious as time passes and there has not been a materialization of a viable threat or a captured Evil Queen.

 

But it’s hard to think about all of that when Emma sends her an even longer string of emoticons in response that Regina is sure is meant to be mostly indecipherable.

 

She manages to make it to noon and get a small amount of work done before she goes to meet Emma, and when she gets to the diner, she tries to pretend that the uneasiness of the other diners doesn’t bother her.  It’s not unearned, either due to their suspicions that she could be the Evil Queen in disguise or the fact that she was the one who let the Evil Queen loose on so many innocent people in the first place.

 

She doesn’t think about it at all when she sees Emma in a booth in the back, grinning when Regina starts to make her way to Emma.

 

“Hey,” Emma says as Regina slides into the booth across from her.  "I thought you might be too busy to meet up for lunch, but I thought I’d ask anyway since it feels like you haven’t been anywhere except home and work for over a week now.”

 

“Our situation doesn’t leave a lot of time for anything else,” Regina says as she picks up her menu and peruses it.

 

“How is all of that going?” Emma asks.  “I know we’re all anxious to get a curfew in place so we can focus on hunting down the Evil Queen when we patrol.”

 

“There’s an emergency Council meeting tomorrow night,” Regina says, picking at the edge of her menu where the laminate is peeling back.  “I don’t think I’ll have an issue getting it passed since they’re familiar with the threat of the Evil Queen.  I’m more concerned with any questioning about how this happened.”

 

Emma frowns and says, “You don’t owe them an explanation.  The important thing is that we’re dealing with the situation.  It shouldn’t matter how it happened.”

 

“It does when it’s the evil alter-ego of the town mayor,” Regina says lightly, cutting her eyes away.  "We don’t need for them to take things into their own hands and go hunt the Evil Queen down for themselves.  We need for them to believe that we’re not only working to solve the problem, but that we’re capable of it.”

 

“I can come and speak to them if you want,” Emma offers.  She quiet when Ruby comes by and fills their water glasses and continues once Ruby leaves, “I don’t think it should make that much of a difference, but it can’t hurt.”

 

“Perhaps,” Regina says as she considers the offer.  “I’m considering asking your mother.  Snow has a long history with me, especially as an enemy, and she has a deeper history with the members of the Council.”

 

“Oh, okay.”  Emma nods and glances away, withdrawn.  “Yeah, that makes sense.  I haven’t really been around as long.”

 

Regina frowns and reaches across the table, tempted to take Emma’s hand but deciding to just place it on the linoleum in front of Emma’s hand, as she says, “But I would still like for you to be there.”

 

“Yeah?” Emma’s lips quirk into a smile and she leans forward, hand moving until her fingers bump against Regina’s own.

 

Regina swallows hard and focuses on Emma’s face rather than the warmth coursing through her from where they’re barely touching, skin against skin at the fingertip.  “Yeah.”

 

Emma opens her mouth to say something, but then there’s a scream outside the diner, and she leaps up.  “What the hell?”

 

But Regina can feel it, the presence of the Evil Queen and her magic, and Regina runs out ahead of Emma, stopping short on the sidewalk at the sight of the Evil Queen standing in the middle of the street, casually lobbing fireballs at parked cars.

 

The Evil Queen beams when she sees Regina and Emma, and she calls to them in a mocking voice, “I got bored waiting for you to do something.”

 

“Call Zelena,” Emma says quickly to Regina before stepping forward and blasting the Evil Queen with her magic, a pulse of blue that the Evil Queen dodges with a cackle.

 

Regina fumbles with her phone for a few seconds before she manages to get it to call Zelena.

 

The moment Zelena answers, Regina grounds out, “She’s here, outside the diner,” and hangs up.

 

Zelena appears the next moment in a cloud of green smoke, eyes narrowed as she looks around for the Evil Queen.  “Is she just taunting us?”

 

“I don’t know,” Regina replies as she summons a fireball in her right hand.  “Come on.”

 

Zelena grins and flicks her hand, disappearing and reappearing behind the Evil Queen.  She sweeps her right arm through the air, and a wave of magic catches the Evil Queen off-guard and sends her flying forward.  Regina watches her tumble across the pavement before running to flank her; but the Evil Queen rights herself and vanishes the next moment before Regina can attack.

 

She materializes behind Emma and throws Emma through the air with a magic blast that sends Regina to the ground as well.  Zelena comes running to her, and helps Regina to her feet.  Regina looks around and her heart sinks when she sees Emma still sprawled in the street, the Evil Queen standing in between her and Regina.

 

“I thought the Savior would put up more of a fight,” the Evil Queen says with a mocking pout before she smiles and claps her hands together.  “Things are certainly going much better than I had hoped.”

 

Regina’s magic falters in her hands as she stares down the Evil Queen, knees weak at being faced with all of her jagged edges and the fire of an anger that she can’t even feel anymore.  Zelena stands behind Regina, waiting for Regina to make her next move.  Emma stirs behind the Evil Queen and starts to struggle to her feet, wiping away the blood streaming from a deep cut on her cheek.  Emma looks at Regina and starts to run over, but the Evil Queen cackles and flings Emma through the air again.

 

“Stop,” Regina says, voice breaking as she pushes a surge of magic at the Evil Queen.

 

The Evil Queen poofs out of the way and reappears, smirking as she says, “Don’t worry, I don’t want to break our toys, dear.”

 

Zelena growls and starts to move forward, green energy crackling across her fingertips, but Regina holds her back with an outstretched arm.

 

“Oh, have you forgotten everything?” the Evil Queen asks, tilting her head to the side as her mouth curves into a cruel smile.  “But if you insist.”

 

She is suddenly in front of Regina, and Regina freezes in place, her resolve fading in the face of the reality of what she knows she has to do.  She had barely been able to do this once and it hadn’t even worked.  She wants more than anything to fight back but a part of her wants to just give in, to fade away in the face of this brilliant anger and power.

 

And she’s drowning, drowning as she looks into her own dark eyes and lifts her hands.  Then there are arms wrapping around her from behind and green smoke fills her field of vision.  They appear in Regina’s study, and Regina cries out, trembling, because _Emma_ , but then Emma appears in a puff of blue smoke, shoulders slumped.

 

Regina pulls free of Zelena’s grasp and rushes to Emma’s side, steadying her and helping her to a couch.

 

“I have to go back,” Regina says, remembering that they just left everyone at the mercy of the Evil Queen.

 

Emma shakes her head.  “Not without me.”

 

Regina starts to protest because Emma can barely stand up even though she’s making an attempt, but she hears a voice calling from outside.  Regina runs to the front door without a second thought and and yanks it open, breath leaving her in a rush at the sight of the Evil Queen on the lawn.

 

“Running away from a fight?” The Evil Queen asks, cradling flames in her right hand.  “Why am I not surprised?”

 

Regina growls and starts to stride across the porch, stopping only when Zelena yanks her back from behind.  “This ends now.”

 

“Oh, I’d love to see you try.”  The Evil Queen chuckles and shakes her head with a wide, mocking smile.  “We’re just beginning, dear.”

 

She disappears in the next moment and Regina screams, wrenching free of Zelena’s hand and whirling on her.

 

“Why didn’t you let me go after her?” Regina yells.  “Do you think that I can’t defeat her?”

 

“I _know_ you can’t,” Zelena snaps, eyes flashing as she stands her ground.  “And I don’t feel like dying just yet because you have something to prove to yourself.”

 

“That’s not—“ Regina tries to protest but Zelena just shakes her head.

 

“Then why is she still here?” Zelena asks, and she’s shaking with her fury.  “You’re the one who can’t let her go!  And your refusal to admit it is putting all of us in danger.”

 

Regina opens her mouth to speak, but Zelena leaves in a cloud of green smoke.  Regina looks around helplessly and sees Emma standing in the doorway.

 

“Do you agree with her?” Regina asks and her voice is small and she feels so lost.

 

Emma shrugs and then winces, her hand coming up to press against the right side of her ribs.  Closing her eyes, she leans her head on the doorframe.

 

“Your sister is an asshole,” Emma mutters.  “She didn’t have to say it like that.”

 

“But you think she’s right,” Regina says dully.

 

Emma grimaces but she nods.  “Yeah.  I mean, we can figure it out, Regina.  And I’m not going to stop fighting for you.  But we need you to be sure of what we’re doing.  It’s the only way we’re going to make it through this.”

 

“I—“ Regina pauses and swallows.  She shakes her head and says, “I don’t know what to do, Emma.”

 

“I know,” Emma says, smiling softly as she looks at Regina.  “We’ll figure it out.”

 

Regina nods even though she still isn’t sure.  Then she refocuses and remembers that Emma was hurt and she’s just been standing around worrying about herself.

 

“You’re injured,” Regina says as she walks to Emma and lifts her hands, hesitating while she waits for Emma’s permission.

 

“Just some bruising,” Emma says but she does reach down and pull her shirt up for Regina to see.

 

Regina frowns when she sees the hurt area, the skin already starting to darken with bruises.  She presses her fingers lightly to Emma’s skin, and Emma hisses, jerking away from the contact.

 

“It might be more serious,” Regina murmurs, glancing up at Emma.

 

“Will that matter if you’re healing me?” Emma asks.

 

“Only if the ribs are broken and have punctured something,” Regina tells her.

 

“I think I’d know if that had happened,” Emma says with a small laugh.  “I’ve had broken ribs before.  This does not feel like that at all.”

 

Regina nods and holds her hand over Emma’s skin, saying, “Then I’ll continue if you want me to.”

 

“Yeah,” Emma murmurs.  “I trust you.”

 

Focusing her attention on Emma’s side, Regina pulls at her magic and lets it flow out of her fingers, trailing her hand down the length of Emma’s right side to make sure she doesn’t miss anything.  Emma lets out a soft sound as Regina finishes and straightens up.  She sees the scratch on Emma’s cheek and cups her hand over it, smoothing her thumb along the line of the cut, leaving smooth, flushed skin in its wake.

 

Emma’s hands drop to Regina’s hips as she turns her head towards Regina’s palm, lips brushing the heel of Regina’s hand.  Regina trembles and leans in until their foreheads are pressed together.  Emma sighs and tightens her grip, fingers curling in Regina’s shirt as she pulls Regina closer.

 

She can feel Emma’s breath ghosting across her lips, and if she just tilted her head up and to the side, she could—but then Emma’s hands drop away as she steps back.  Regina drops her head as her skin flushes in embarrassment, and looks everywhere but at Emma.

 

“Thanks,” Emma says quietly.

 

Regina glances at her and shrugs.  “It’s the least I could do.  After everything that’s happened…”

 

“Hey, it was just some bruises,” Emma says with a wave of her hand.  “Nothing that can’t be easily fixed.”

 

“Right,” Regina agrees softly.

 

“Seriously, I’m fine,” Emma says, lips quirking up into a smile.  “We’ll talk later?”

 

“Yes.”  Regina smiles and plucks at the hem of her shirt.

 

Emma’s grin widens and she bounces on the balls of her feet as she glances out at the sidewalk.  “Okay.  Well, I think I should go.  My parents are probably worried.”

 

“Yes.  And Hook, too, I’m sure,” Regina replies.  “I’ll check on Henry.”

 

“Okay.  Yeah, I’ll handle my parents,” Emma says as she tucks her hands into her pockets.  “And Killian.”

 

Emma starts down the steps and Regina watches as she leaves.  She crosses her arms across her chest to try to keep herself from calling out to Emma, to keep her for longer even though Regina doesn’t know what she’d say or do.  Emma looks back when she reaches the end of sidewalk and waves; it’s so reminiscent of what Henry does on school mornings when he leaves to go wait for the bus, and Regina’s heart jumps in her chest and aches at the sight.

 

She stays on the porch until Emma is gone.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

They go to see Jekyll the next day.  Emma had called that morning to let Regina know that he has apparently figured out a possible theory about why the Evil Queen is still here, and even though Regina was taken aback that he wouldn’t come to her about it first, she had agreed to go with Emma to meet with him.

 

It has apparently turned into a family outing, though, because both Zelena and Henry insist on going along, Robyn in tow in her baby carrier.  And then Emma shows up with her parents, her baby brother, and Hook trailing after her.

 

“Do we just travel in a pack now?” Regina mutters when Emma greets her with a sheepish smile.

 

“They just want to help,” Emma says, shrugging.  “And it’ll cut down on spending time explaining everything to everyone later.”

 

She’s right but Regina rolls her eyes anyway, and Emma laughs.

 

“Shall we get on with it?” Hook asks, voice edged with impatience as he gestures to the bed and breakfast behind them.

 

Regina stiffens and glares at him.  Emma places a hand on her arm, and Henry steps up to stand on Regina’s other side.

 

“Come on, Mom,” Henry says as he takes Regina’s left hand and starts towards the door.  

 

Regina relaxes and lets him lead her away from the group.  They fall into step behind them, and Henry squeezes her hand as they walk along the hall and approach Jekyll’s door.  Regina takes a deep breath and knocks, three light raps.

 

The door opens immediately and Jekyll peers out, his face falling when he sees the mass of people standing behind Regina and Henry.

 

“Oh, you all came,” he says slowly.  He frowns but steps back to allow them room to file in.  “Well, come on in.  I don’t have enough chairs for all of you but—“

 

“This is fine,” Regina says lightly as she steps over the threshold and glances around the small room.  It looks the same as the last time she was there, books stacked on the table, some papers strewn across the surface.  “We won’t bother you for long.  Unless your new discovery will take some time to explain?”

 

“No, it shouldn’t take too long,” Jekyll says as he shuts the door.  He wrings his hands and frowns.  “But I’m afraid that I don’t exactly have good news, either.”

 

Everyone freezes and stares at him, the room going quiet except for Robyn’s quiet gurgling.

 

“Well, what is it?” Regina asks, clearing her throat as Henry’s grip on her hand tightens.

 

Jekyll takes a deep breath and says, “I’ve been going over every possibility for why your evil half stayed alive and mine didn’t.  I know I suggested to you before that it could be due to your past indulgence of your darker impulses, but upon further reflection, I don’t think that’s accurate.”

 

“Then what is it?” Zelena snaps.

 

Jekyll flinches but continues, “I think it’s your magic, Regina.  It’s a variable that was introduced into the experiment that I never thought to account for, and I think it’s created this situation.”

 

“What do you mean?” Regina asks as she tries to process his words.  “Are you saying that there’s no way to get rid of her at all?”

 

“No,” Jekyll says slowly.  “I think that, well, she can be killed.  But if she is, I believe that you’ll die with her.”

 

The room erupts with noise as everyone starts to speak at once.  Regina just stands there, unable to move because she should have guessed herself.  Magic always has a price and that price has always been so terribly high for her.  Henry’s grip is so tight around her fingers as he turns to her with a broken “Mom?” and she pulls him closer on instinct, trying to search for something to say.

 

“We won’t let that happen,” he says before she can get anything out.  “There’s always another way.”

 

Regina smiles, lips trembling as she cups her hand under his chin.  Then Emma is beside them, eyes searching as she touches Regina’s arm.

 

“It’s not an option,” Emma says and she’s so decisive that Regina wants to sink into it.  Wants to let Emma take on this fight for her, too.

 

But she shakes her head.  “Emma--”

 

Emma’s eyes flash and then she grabs Regina’s hand and they reappear at the docks, the silence overwhelming after the din in Jekyll’s room.  Regina jerks away from Emma and glances at Henry who looks a little disoriented after the sudden change in scenery.

 

Emma steps closer and says in a tight voice, “No, you don’t get to do this.  We are not giving up.  We are going to find another way.”

 

“I never said that I wanted to die!” Regina replies, frustration bleeding out of her.  “But if it comes down to it--”

 

“ _No_.”  Emma says.  “No, you don’t get to do this.  You are not going to die and leave me and Henry alone.  You can’t just do that.”

 

“She’s right, Mom,” Henry says, voice breaking as he looks at her.  “I can’t lose you.  I can’t.”

 

“I know, sweetheart,” Regina says quietly.  She glances at Emma and says, “I know.  But--”

 

“Regina,” Emma snaps.

 

Regina grinds her teeth together and then says, “Listen to me.  I know what my choice is if it’s my life or Henry’s.  And I need you to promise me--”

 

“I can’t,” Emma cuts her off, eyes shining with tears.  “Please don’t.”

 

“It’s not a choice,” Regina tells her with a sad smile.  “You know that.”

 

“Mom, please,” Henry whispers, clinging to her arm.

 

She shifts so she can wrap her arms around him, holding tight as she presses a kiss to the side of his head.  “I promise that I’m going to keep fighting, Henry.  I’m not giving up.”

 

He burrows into her embrace, head tucking against her neck, and Regina looks over at Emma.  Emma is staring at the two of them with wide, lost eyes, hands clenched at her sides, and Regina tries to shove all her guilt to the side because it might be unfair but it’s necessary.  And she can’t go forward until she knows that Emma can be trusted to do what is needed.  If it is ever needed.

 

“Emma?” Regina asks softly.

 

Emma closes her eyes and bows her head for a moment before finally saying, “Okay.”

 

Regina nods and holds Henry tighter against her.

  


*****

  


After Emma takes them both home, Henry wanders off to his room.  Regina starts for the study and is a little surprised when Emma trails after her.  Regina isn’t exactly sure what Emma wants but she makes her best guess and summons a bottle of whiskey and two glasses from the kitchen.

 

Regina pours drinks for both of them and hands a glass off to Emma.  “I think after everything earlier…”

 

“I need the whole fucking bottle,” Emma mutters before tipping the glass against her mouth and taking a long swallow.

 

“I didn’t say any of that to hurt you,” Regina says quietly as she sits down on the couch.  “I can’t risk lives unless I’m sure that I can count on you.”

 

Emma shakes her head and glares over at her.  “You’re so full of shit.”

 

Regina stiffens.  “Excuse me?”

 

“You said all of that stuff, but I saw your face after Jekyll threw his theory out there.”  Emma’s mouth twists and she finishes her drink before saying, “You don’t expect to make it out of this alive.”

 

“You can’t honestly think that means I’m not going to fight,” Regina says even as she stares down into her drink, unable to meet Emma’s eyes.

 

“I don’t know what to think,” Emma murmurs.  “But I wish I could make you understand that your life is worth something.  And I don’t know what I would do--”

 

She breaks off, and Regina glances up, curiosity edging out every part of her that knows better than to push.  “What?”

 

“I--I don’t know what I would do if you died,” Emma says, stumbling over the words a little, pink creeping into her cheeks.  “If Henry lost you.  If you just--weren’t there.”

 

“Emma,” Regina breathes out, reaching up with her right hand.

 

She doesn’t expect anything but then Emma steps forward and takes it in her own, fingers soft as they slip against Regina’s palm.

  


*****

 

Regina is nursing a cup of coffee early the next morning, exhausted from the night before.  Well, exhausted from everything, but for now, the lack of sleep is a more pressing concern.  After tossing and turning for a couple of hours once Emma had left, Regina had finally given in and camped out in her study, tearing through spell books she had summoned from her vault, trying to find some sort of answer.

 

There are fragments.  Experiments, spells, attempts to accomplish something similar to Jekyll’s serum.  None of them were successful, though, which makes figuring out what to do with the aftermath more difficult.  There’s no precedent for mixing a scientific experiment of this magnitude with magic; the closest thing she even knows of is Whale’s attempts to reanimate the dead through a mix of science and magic, and well.  She’s seen how that turned out for him.

 

She’s no closer to an answer beyond killing the Evil Queen, and that feels less like an option than giving up the fight.

 

There’s a loud knock at her front door, and Regina jumps a little, growling when she spills coffee down the front of her pajamas.  She can’t seem to get a moment of peace.  The coffee seeps into her shirt, but she ignores it for now as she strides to the door and yanks it open.

 

“Emma,” Regina says, arching an eyebrow as she looks past her to the man standing behind her.  “And Jekyll.  It is five in the morning.”

 

“And you’re already awake so it’s not like we’re dragging you out of bed,” Emma says, stepping forward.  “I couldn’t sleep last night so I went to talk to Jekyll this morning.”

 

“I was asleep,” he mutters as he hangs back on the porch.

 

Emma turns and snaps, “This is important.  You can take a nap later.”

 

He shrinks away from Emma, and Regina says, “Don’t be rude, Emma.  Why don’t you both come in?  I have coffee.”

 

Emma looks slightly chastised and her cheeks flush when she glances down at Regina’s front and notices the small coffee stain.  “Sorry.  I’m just, well…”

 

Regina nods and hums under her breath as she waves her hand over her shirt and gets rid of the stain.  “I understand.  But I don’t think he does.”

 

Jekyll clears his throat.  “I do understand.”

 

“I don’t think you do,” Emma says as she glares at him.  “Or you wouldn’t have let us believe yesterday that there wasn’t something else we could do about the Evil Queen.”

 

“What do you mean?” Regina asks, turning her attention to Jekyll.  “What is going on?”

 

“There might be another solution,” he says slowly.  “I don’t know if it will work, but I suppose that it’s worth trying.”

 

“Of course it is,” Emma says insistently.

 

Regina presses her fingers to her temple and says, “What are you talking about?”

 

“Reintegration,” Jekyll replies.  He frowns as he continues, “There’s a slim possibility that I can create a serum to join the Evil Queen back with you and reverse the effects of the original serum.  But given the unique circumstances of your situation, especially the involvement of your magic, I can’t guarantee anything.”

 

“But there’s a chance?” Regina asks softly.

 

“A very small one,” he says.

 

She shakes her head and replies, “But then all of this will have been for nothing.”

 

“But you’ll be alive,” Emma says in a breathless rush.  “It’s the best chance you have.  We can try and capture the Evil Queen, keep her contained.  But we’ll always live with the fear that she’ll get free again.  And you can’t die.  You can’t.  So this is our shot, Regina.”

 

“I understand,” Regina tells her quietly, hand trembling as she cups it around her coffee and holds tight onto it.  “But what this will mean…”

 

“You’ll live,” Emma says.  She steps forward and grips Regina’s arms, leaning forward as she says, “You’ll be here.  You’ll be alive.  I— _we_ won’t lose you.”

 

“Emma,” Regina starts, but Emma shakes her head.

 

“ _Please_ ,” Emma whispers.  “You promised.”

 

Regina closes her eyes and nods once.  “Okay.”

 

“Really?” Emma asks, her eyes lighting up.

 

“I did promise,” Regina says with a slight smile even though everything in her aches.  “Now, coffee?”

 

Emma grins and she starts for the kitchen, leaving Regina and Jekyll behind.  Regina glances at Jekyll and sighs at the sight of his face.

 

“When you mean a slim chance, you mean…,” she prompts with a raised eyebrow.

 

“I can’t say for certain because nothing like this has ever been done before,” he replies with a shrug of his shoulders.  “But, my best guess is that this is next to impossible.  I tried to explain to Emma, but she didn’t seem to want to listen.”

 

“She still has hope,” Regina says quietly.

 

“And you?” Jekyll asks.

 

Regina bows her head and takes a deep breath before saying, “Hope has always been an exercise in failure for me.  But I can’t just resign myself to giving up, either.  I have a family.  I have to at least try for them.”

 

“I’ll do my best,” he offers, and Regina manages to muster up a bitter smile for him.

 

“Well.  That’s all I can ask for, isn’t it?” Regina replies.

 

 

*****

  


Once Jekyll has finished explaining all of the details of his reintegration proposal, Regina turns and looks out the window, closing her eyes as she tries to think.  She can feel Emma’s eyes on her, though, and her mind can’t get past the desperate look on Emma’s face as she had begged Regina to even listen to Jekyll.

 

Regina turns her head, bland smile fixed in place as she says, “Dr. Jekyll, if you would like, there’s more coffee in the kitchen.”

 

He looks confused for a moment before comprehension dawns on his face and he scurries from the room.  Emma snorts at the sight, and Regina turns to her, smile fading.

 

“I know it’s risky,” Emma starts and Regina shakes her head.

 

“It’s an impossibility,” Regina says, voice flat.  “You’re asking me to risk all of you for the slim possibility that this might work?  And even if he can create a new serum, it might just kill me anyway.”

 

“You can’t just give up!” Emma says as she crosses the room, shoulders and jaw tense as she stares at Regina.  “You promised that you would try, that you would _fight_ , and this is a chance, Regina.”

 

“I chose to do this,” Regina murmurs, looking away.  “Maybe I just need to deal with the consequences of what I’ve done.”

 

“No,” Emma says, and then she’s stepping forward, hands cupping Regina’s face and then, _oh_ , her lips are on Regina’s, warm and desperate as Regina freezes.  Emma pulls back, eyes damp as she says, “No, you promised.  You have to try.”

 

“Emma,” Regina says, breathless, leaning in even as Emma meets her halfway.

 

She gasps against Emma’s mouth, ready for it and still surprised after spending so long wanting, and she reaches up, hand splaying across the back of Emma’s neck, tugging her closer and closer.  Emma moans quietly, lips parting under Regina’s, and Regina is almost dizzy with sensation, Emma’s body pressed up against hers, how Emma keeps kissing her in between whispering, “please, please, you promised,” and Regina could drown in it all.

 

Regina pushes her away gently, chest heaving, and she swallows before saying, “I promised.  So we’ll try.”

 

Emma looks at her with wide eyes, lips turning up in a small smile.  “Okay.”

 

“You should probably go check on Jekyll,” Regina says, nodding in the direction of the kitchen as she straightens her shirt, trying not think of Emma’s hand curled over her hip, fingers warm against Regina’s bare skin.

 

Emma’s smile freezes then fades as she nods, and she leaves without saying anything else.  Regina sinks down onto the couch and hangs her head as she presses her lips together and tries not to think about Emma because Emma is with Hook and Emma is her friend.  She can’t have this.  She can’t.

  


*****

 

When Henry finally makes it out of bed, Emma and Jekyll are gone, and it’s nearly time for lunch.  She normally doesn’t let Henry sleep so late, but with everything that has happened, she had decided to leave him be.  All of them are exhausted.  In fact, Zelena had gotten up briefly to check on Robyn before staggering back to her own bed, leaving Regina to the quiet of the house.  Even Robyn has been content to stay in her playpen and play with her toys.

 

Henry appears in the kitchen where Regina is creating a grocery list, checking the cabinets to see what supplies are running low.  She has just added “chocolate” to her list since it appears that Zelena has broken into Regina’s personal supply and demolished pretty much all of it, when she glances up and sees Henry.  She smiles and puts her pen and pad to the side.

 

“You slept late,” she says as she walks to him, sweeping his bangs off his forehead and pressing a kiss to it.

 

He yawns and says, “You let me.  Where’s Aunt Z?”

 

“She followed your example today,” Regina replies, wandering over to the fridge and pulling it open.  “But now that you’re up, I should probably force her out of bed.”

 

“I guess we’re just all tired with everything going on,” Henry says, leaning on the island counter.  “Have you heard from Ma yet?”

 

“She came by this morning,” Regina says as she surveys the contents of the fridge.  “Why?  Have you?”

 

“Yeah.  I had a text from her this morning saying something about how I should remind you that you promised that you wouldn’t give up.”  He frowns and says, “I don’t really know why, though.  Did something happen?”

 

“She shouldn’t have said anything to you,” Regina says quietly, closing her eyes.

 

“What do you mean?” Henry’s voice rises with his concern as he says, “Mom?  What’s going on?”

 

“Emma came by with Jekyll this morning,” Regina explains with a sigh.  “It seems that there is a small chance that we might be able to create a serum to rejoin me with the Evil Queen.”

 

Henry starts to smile but then it fades as he processes Regina’s words.  “How small of a chance?”

 

“Likely impossible,” Regina tells him reluctantly.  She shakes her head a moment later and manages to smile at him.  “But that doesn’t mean that it’s our only chance.  We can still stop the Evil Queen without killing her.”

 

“How?” Henry asks, narrowing his eyes.  “And why haven’t we done that already?”

 

“It’s not as simple as just deciding to do it,” Regina says.  She closes the fridge and walks around the island to stand beside him.  “We’re just starting to get close to answers for what’s been happening, Henry.  And even those aren’t certain.”

 

“But if Jekyll can reverse the serum, that would mean you’d be okay, right?” Henry asks, frowning as he looks at her.  “Things would go back to the way they were?”

 

“I don’t know, Henry,” Regina says, resting her hand on his back and rubbing her thumb against his spine.  “I hope so.”

 

He nods and says, “But do you want things to go back to the way they were?”

 

“Why wouldn’t I?” she asks even though she thinks she understands what Henry is thinking about.

 

“It’s just that—“ he shrugs and glances at her. “You used the serum to get rid of the Evil Queen.  Why is it different now?”

 

Regina ducks her head, unable to help the small proud smile at how intuitive her son is.  “Things can change, Henry.  Sometimes you think you want something, but when you get it, you realize that you were wrong.”

 

“And that won’t happen if she’s part of you again?” he says.  His frown deepens as he continues, “But if it’s your only chance, then are you saying that it doesn’t matter?”

 

“I made you and Emma a promise,” Regina starts slowly.  “I’m going to keep fighting to make it through all of this.  This is one possibility.  It’s not my only option.  And Emma just wants to be sure that I have every possible chance.”

 

Henry nods and chews on his bottom lip for a moment before saying, “Mom?  If you wanted her back, that wouldn’t make you a bad person.  You know that, right?”

 

“Oh, Henry,” she murmurs, throat tight as she leans her head against his, squeezing her eyes shut.

 

“It’s true, Mom,” he says.  He takes a long, shuddering breath and says, “I know it’s a long shot, but if it’s what you want, we should try.  We’re not going to give up, either.”

 

“I know,” Regina says.  She feels the tears forming in her eyes and just holds onto him tighter.  “I know, Henry.”

 

Zelena comes in then, yawning and stretching her arms over her head.  Regina glances over at her but stays next to Henry.  Zelena pauses at the sight of the two of them but then continues over to the fridge, pulling both doors wide open and standing in front of it.  Henry snorts and slips free of Regina’s arm.

 

“I’m going to go shower,” Henry says as he shakes his head at Zelena.  “And then maybe we can go get lunch at Granny’s?”

 

“Oh.  Of course,” Regina agrees.  “Though we might have to leave your aunt behind since she can’t get up at a decent hour.”

 

That gets Zelena’s attention, and she cranes her neck to glare at Regina.  “Your son just got out of bed, too.”

 

“But I’m a growing boy,” Henry says with a grin before he dashes out of the kitchen.

 

“Brat,” Zelena mutters but she can’t quite hide her smile and Regina grins.  Zelena slams the fridge closed and slumps against the kitchen counter.  “You don’t have anything to eat in the house.”

 

“There’s plenty in there,” Regina says with a roll of her eyes.  “But if you want something, feel free to go to the store and cook it yourself.”

 

“The last time I tried to cook, you threatened to kill me,” Zelena says.

 

“You managed to make something explode in my oven,” Regina replies.  “I used magic to clean it and it still took me the better part of an hour.”

 

“I apologized,” Zelena says, waving her hand dismissively.  “But since I’m not allowed to cook anything else, ever again, that means I can’t do anything about the fact that there is nothing to eat in this house.”

 

Regina flicks her wrist and an apple appears in front of Zelena.  “There.  Now you have something.  And then we’ll go to Granny’s once Henry has gotten dressed.”

 

“Meeting Emma and her boyfriend?” Zelena asks before taking a very large bite out of her apple.

 

“No.  Why would you think that?” Regina asks as she starts out of the kitchen to check on Robyn.

 

“I was awake earlier and heard her come by,” Zelena says, following after Regina.  “It must have been important if it couldn’t wait for a more reasonable hour.”

 

Regina frowns and glances back at Zelena.  “Are you bothered that I’ve been discussing possible future plans with Emma?”

 

“No,” Zelena snaps.  She pushes past Regina into the study and bends over the playpen, lifting Robyn into her arms.  After she gets Robyn settled, she says, “But it would be nice if you would include me.  You and Emma keep running off and having secret conversations that I’m not a part of, but then you expect me to stand behind you when the Evil Queen shows up looking for a fight.”

 

Regina sighs and says, “I’m not trying to exclude you.  But it’s different with Emma.”

 

“Why?” Zelena demands, eyes narrowed, lips almost pursed into a petulant pout.

 

“Because you don’t listen!” Regina says, louder than she intended.  “You’ve been refusing to listen to me this entire time, and at least Emma does.”

 

“No, she doesn’t,” Zelena scoffs.  “What she’s doing is peddling that whole Charming family’s line of bullshit about hope and there always being another way.  And you don’t even believe her.”

 

“What do you mean?” Regina asks.

 

Zelena shrugs and says, “Can you actually stand there and tell me that you believe this whole reintegration idea will work?  Or are you still planning on throwing your life away without telling anyone about it?”

 

“It wouldn’t be throwing my life away if all of you are safe and alive,” Regina snaps, crossing her arms over stomach.  “And I’ve agreed to try this idea of Jekyll’s.”

 

“But you don’t think it will actually work,” Zelena says, her shoulders slumping as she holds Robyn close against her.  “Which means that you still think that this will end with you dying.”

 

“Emma thinks that we can try capturing her and keeping her as a prisoner,” Regina says, unwilling to respond outright to Zelena.

 

“But you don’t think that’s a possibility.”  Zelena shakes her head and her eyes blaze with a sudden anger.  “And that’s what matters, isn’t it?”

 

“Zelena,” Regina starts to step forward, but Zelena moves away.

 

“I can’t believe you!” Zelena snarls.  “All of us are trying to fight for you and you’ve already given up.”

 

“I haven’t given up,” Regina says even though it’s starting to feel more and more like a lie.  “I’m just trying to prepare for the reality that it might be our only option.”

 

“It isn’t one at all,” Zelena says, voice trembling.

 

Regina just looks at her, a sad smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.  “Do you really believe that?”

 

“Fuck you,” Zelena spits out, and at that moment, Robyn starts crying.

 

Zelena looks panicked for a moment, but when Regina moves to help her, Zelena glares at her and disappears in a cloud of green smoke.  She’s worried for a moment that Zelena has gone off by herself again, but then she hears Robyn’s bellows from upstairs, and she relaxes slightly.

 

Henry appears in the doorway, forehead creased with worry as he asks, “Did something…happen?”

 

“Just a small argument,” Regina says with a tight smile.  “Are you ready to go?”

 

“Aunt Z isn’t coming?” Henry says, wincing when Robyn lets out an ear-splitting shriek.

 

“She’s a little busy right now,” Regina replies.  “We’ll bring her something back.”

 

He nods, but his small frown doesn’t go away as he turns and leaves the study to get his coat and shoes.  Regina stays behind for a moment and breathes.  A sob catches in her throat, but she manages to swallow it down.

 

 

*****

  


Another one of Emma’s paper balls bounces against the edge of the wastebasket and hits the floor, and Regina glares at her.

 

“Do you not have anything better to do?” Regina asks as she carefully turns the page of the book she’s been trying to read.  

 

“Not really?” Emma replies with a small shrug.  “I’m just here as back-up in case your evil twin shows up.”

 

“You should have gone with Zelena and Henry,” Regina says.  She frowns and pushes the book away from her, too exhausted by the lack of answers to keep looking.  “Or we should have kept them here.”

 

Emma sighs and leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she looks at Regina.  “They’ve been going stir-crazy, Regina.  You can’t keep them locked up for their own safety.”

 

“You heard her the last time,” Regina says, her throat tight.  “She’ll kill them if she gets the chance.  And we can try to protect Henry with all the magic we have but it won’t be enough.  I can’t--”

 

“Hey, hey,” Emma murmurs, standing and moving around the desk to kneel beside Regina’s chair.  “We’re doing everything possible to keep our kid safe, okay?  They’re not going to be out long, just an hour or so.  It’ll be fine.  I promise.”

 

Regina shakes her head and says, “I just can’t believe that.  We’re not any closer to an answer and I don’t know how long we have until she escalates.”

 

“Regina, I--” Emma starts but the ringing of Regina’s phone cuts her off.

 

Regina sees Henry’s name on the screen and lunges for it, her voice shaking.  “Henry?”

 

“Mom.”  His voice is high and shrill as he says, “Mom, she’s here and--”

 

Regina grabs Emma’s arm, focuses on Henry, Henry, Henry, and they appear in the street behind Zelena and Henry.  The Evil Queen glances in Regina’s direction and a satisfied smile appears on her face as she advances.  

 

Emma takes off in a run for Henry and Regina poofs closer, reappearing behind Henry just in time to see the Evil Queen’s snarl as she reaches forward to plunge her hand into Henry’s chest.  But then Zelena appears between the Evil Queen and Henry, and the Evil Queen’s hand sinks into Zelena’s chest instead.  Emma skids to a stop behind Regina and grabs her arm, tugging both her and Henry away.

 

“Well, I never expected for you to actually play the hero,” the Evil Queen says as she pushes her hand deeper into Zelena.  “Of course, that won’t save you.”

 

Zelena’s hands fly up and wrap around the Evil Queen’s wrist as she snarls, “I’m not afraid of you.  You’re just a shadow of my sister.  You’re _nothing_.”

 

“I am holding your life in my hands,” the Evil Queen says, her words a malevolent hiss.  Zelena cries out and the Evil Queen grins as she steps closer.  “Don’t make the mistake of underestimating me.”

 

Zelena gasps and pulls ineffectively at the Evil Queen’s wrist as she says in a shaky voice, “Regina will destroy you.”

 

Regina starts to move closer, ignoring Emma’s attempts to hold her back, and she meets the Evil Queen’s gaze as the Evil Queen says, “She’s already tried and failed.”

 

Then she jerks her hand back and Zelena’s heart is clutched in her hand, red and pulsing.  Zelena falls to her knees as Regina screams and moves, fire springing to her palms as she advances.

 

She pauses for one moment to look back at Emma and Henry.  “Get him out of here,” Regina says in a low voice before she snaps her attention back to Zelena and the Evil Queen.

 

The Evil Queen chuckles as she holds Zelena’s heart up, examining it.  “What are you going to do, dear?  All I have to do is squeeze and--” she tightens her fingers and Zelena _screams_.

 

Regina freezes, the fire in her hands flickering in and out as she wavers in the face of the Evil Queen’s satisfied smile, hand still tightening like she might just snuff out Zelena here and now.  But then the Evil Queen reaches down and grasps Zelena’s chin in her free hand.

 

“Don’t worry, dear.  I have big plans for you.”  The Evil Queen’s smile widens and she looks back at Regina as Zelena whimpers.  “I don’t intend to kill you.  At least, not yet.”

 

Then she’s gone in a cloud of dark purple smoke, and Regina lets the fire fade from her grasp as she races forward to Zelena’s side, dropping to her knees and ignoring the sharp jolt of pain through her bones at the impact.  She puts a trembling hand on Zelena’s shoulder, but Zelena jerks away, still breathing hard as she clutches at her chest over where her heart should be.  

 

“Are you all right?” Regina asks, immediately regretting it because of course she isn’t.

 

Zelena looks over at her, face strangely blank and eyes unfocused as she says, “Of course.  I’ll see you at home.”

 

Then Zelena gets to her feet and walks away.  Regina watches and when she sees Emma and Henry still there, standing to the side, her frustration mounts and bubbles and overflows.

 

“You were supposed to take him somewhere safe,” Regina snaps, pushing herself off the ground and stalking over to Emma.  “She could have hurt Henry and you just stayed?”

 

“I couldn’t leave you here by yourself,” Emma says, voice quiet and eyes wet with tears as she reaches out to Regina, right hand clasped tightly in Henry’s as he looks between them with wide, still terrified eyes.

 

“I can take care of myself,” Regina hisses.  “The first priority is always Henry.  No matter what.  We agreed.”

 

“I know,” Emma whispers.  “I’m trying.”

 

Regina opens her mouth to tear her apart, to carve all her anger into Emma because she’s not strong enough, because Regina keeps _failing_ and she needs to know that Emma can do this one thing, but then Henry lurches forward into her, collapsing into her surprised embrace.

 

“Mom,” he sobs, clinging tight, and she pulls him close, shaking as she tries to push away how close she could have been to losing him.

 

“I’m right here,” she tells him.  “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

 

“I thought she loved me,” he says, voice breaking, and Regina closes her eyes, heart aching.

 

Because she does, but she can’t tell her son that.  Her love hasn’t always been good for him but it’s never looked this.  She never wanted him to know this, how love and hurt can sit in the same hand; but she doesn’t know which is worse:  him believing that there’s a piece of her that doesn’t love him or one that wants to control him, one that’s willing to hurt him to command his love.

 

In the end, it’s Emma who says, tears slipping down her cheeks, “Your mom loves you, Henry.  Nothing is going to change that.”

 

“But then why would she--the Evil Queen…,” he stumbles over the words, looking up at Regina, face distraught as he still clings to her.  “Why would she try to take my heart?”

 

“She wants to take you away from me,” Regina tells him after pausing for a moment.  “But I’m not going to let her, okay?  I am going to keep you safe.”

 

He nods, and Regina smiles at the sight of her son trying to be strong and brave for her even though she wants to cry because he should never have to bear any of this.  Henry leans his head on her shoulder, and Regina cups the back of his head as she glances at Emma, who has been hovering hesitantly nearby.  

 

Regina reaches out a hand to Emma, pulls her to them when Emma takes her hand.  

 

“Yeah, kid,” Emma murmurs as she rests her hand on Henry’s back and stares at Regina.  “We’re not going to let her hurt you.  No matter what.”

  


*****

 

Regina finds Zelena upstairs in the nursery holding Robyn in her arms.  She stands in the doorway, hesitant, watching her sister and fumbling for something to say.  She wants to apologize because even though this isn’t what she wants, the Evil Queen is some part of her.  A dark part, the one that rages and hurts and destroys, but it’s still her.  

 

And that matters when Zelena is looking at her, eyes shadowed and betrayed.

 

Zelena speaks first.  “I don’t know whether it’s your fault or not.”

 

Regina stiffens at first, still defensive, but Zelena is right, so she whispers, “I’m sorry.”

 

“I don’t need your apology,” Zelena snaps, bristling as she pulls Robyn closer against her chest.  

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Regina says, wrapping her arms around her middle, scraped raw.  “I should.  I’m sorry.”

 

Zelena scowls.  “Stop it.”

 

Robyn starts crying then, and Zelena’s eyes widen with distress.  She seems frozen, simply staring down at Robyn while she wails, and Regina moves on instinct, pulling Robyn gently away from Zelena and settling Robyn against her own chest, rocking her from side to side.  Robyn quiets more quickly than usual, snuffling against Regina’s collarbone, and Regina thinks that Zelena will take her back now, but Zelena just turns and stares out the window, spine stiff.

 

Regina adjusts Robyn in her arms as she steps closer to Zelena, reaching out with one hand to touch her shoulder, but she thinks better of it.  Not now, not after--

 

And Zelena’s voice is soft when she asks, “What does she want from me?”

 

Regina closes her eyes and breathes out slowly.  She doesn’t want to think about this, doesn’t want to revisit that dark place where she lived for so many years.  That was the whole point of all of this, and yet she’s still here, still caught.

 

“You’re valuable,” Regina says.  “You’re close to me so having your heart in her possession makes me vulnerable.  And you have a great deal of power at your disposal.  You were a threat for her but now she can control you.  Use you like a weapon.”

 

Zelena nods and looks at Regina, eyes cool as she says, “That’s not all, is it?”

 

Regina inhales sharply.  “Zelena, don’t--”

 

“No, I understand.”  Zelena smiles, and Regina has to fight the urge to flinch away from her, frightened by Zelena’s calm, the way she’s studying Robyn like she’s a specimen.

 

Zelena steps forward and lifts Robyn out of Regina’s arms, and Regina can barely hold the tears back before she stumbles from the room and down the hall, crashing into Emma at the top of the stairs.

 

Emma lets out a soft surprised, “Hey,” and then her arms are around Regina, catching around her waist and holding her up.

 

Regina sinks into her, choking on desperate, ragged sobs, and Emma just holds on to her.

  


*****

  


Henry is quiet all through dinner, pushing his food around on his plate.  Emma keeps looking at Regina like she should do something, but Regina tries to ignore her, occasionally attempting to ask Henry a question only to get a monotone answer and a shrug of his shoulders.  

If Zelena were there, she’d probably try to help get him to talk, but Zelena had refused to come down from her room, and none of them had felt that they could insist after the day’s events.  

 

Eventually, Henry gets up from the table and leaves, and Regina sits there, listening to his heavy footsteps on the stairs.  Her hands tremble as she presses them to her forehead, closing her eyes and breathing as she tries to think through what to do next, how to give her son what he needs.

 

Emma clears her throat and leans over the table as she says, “Do you think we should talk to him?  About today?”

 

“And say what?” Regina asks, voice sharp.  “That I’m sorry that half of his mother tried to steal his heart today?  I’m sure that will be a real comfort for him, Emma.”

 

“Come on, Regina,” Emma says, sighing.  “He’s obviously bothered by what happened and pretending like everything is fine isn’t going to help him, either.”

 

Regina looks at Emma and says, “I don’t know what to say to him, Emma.  I’ve never--I don’t--” she pauses and shakes her head, blinking back tears.  “I just don’t what to say to him.”

 

“Okay.”  Emma licks her lips and looks down, considering.  Then she says, “Would it help if we went together?  If we both talk to him?”

 

And it feels like the last straw for Regina, and she starts crying, sobbing, as she hunches over and wraps her arms around herself.  Her breath is coming out in ragged gasps, and she has cried so much these past few weeks and she’s tired of it.  Tired of being weak and incapable, but Emma just reaches over and takes Regina’s hand.  

 

“I’m sorry,” Regina chokes out, but Emma just shakes her head.    


“Take all the time you need,” Emma says quietly, thumb stroking softly across the back of Regina’s hand.  “I’m right here.”

  


*****

  


Regina hesitates outside of Henry’s door, glancing behind her at Emma.  Emma nods encouragingly at the door and places a hand on Regina’s back, pressure light as she urges Regina forward.

 

Taking a deep breath, Regina knocks lightly on his door, frowning at his monotone, “come in.”  Regina opens the door and steps through, moving on instinct to his bed, taking a seat at the foot of it.  Henry slowly puts his book to the side and looks from her to Emma and back.

 

“What’s going on?” he asks, face creasing with worry as he shifts on the bed and moves to sit beside Regina.

 

“We wanted to talk to you about what happened today,” Emma says with a slight smile as she joins them on the bed, ruffling Henry’s hair as she sits.  

 

“Oh.”  He frowns and shrugs.  “I’m fine.”

 

“Are you?” Regina asks, twisting her hands together in her lap even though she wants to pull him close.  “It’s okay if you were scared today, or if you’re angry about what happened.”

 

“Yeah,” Emma agrees as she leans over and nudges his shoulder with her own.  “You don’t have to pretend like you’re okay.  Especially not with us.”

 

Henry bows his head and mumbles, “I don’t want to be scared of her, Mom.  I’m not scared of you, but I don’t want--”

 

His voice breaks into a sob, and Regina immediately pulls him into her arms, curling around him, tears slipping from her eyes as she holds her son.  

 

“It’s okay, Henry,” she says as he turns in her embrace and flings an arm over her shoulders, burying his face in her neck.  “I know this is hard and unfair, but you don’t have to try and be brave for me.”

 

“I want to be,” he says, voice cracking, and she tightens her arms around him.

 

“I know, baby,” Regina murmurs, and she’s so close to collapsing into a flood of tears herself, until she feels Emma’s hand resting over hers on Henry’s back.  “I know.”

  


*****

  


Emma calls the next day, right after lunch, and for a moment, Regina thinks it’s just her checking in, the way Emma has been doing on an annoyingly regular basis.  

 

But then Emma’s voice is shaky over the phone as she says, “I need you here.  The Evil Queen just showed up, and she’s trying to kill my parents.”

 

“Where are you?” Regina asks immediately, jumping up from her desk and starting for the door.  “Is Henry with you?”

 

“I’m outside their apartment.  We got ambushed on our way back from lunch,” Emma replies, grunting.  “Henry’s at school, remember?  Mom took the day off because Neal was sick, and Regina, just hurry.  I don’t know how long I can hold her off on my own.”

 

“On my way,” Regina replies, hanging up.  She squeezes her phone in her hand as she closes her eyes and thinks.  

 

Zelena.  She needs to call Zelena.  But that can wait until she gets there.  So Regina poofs over to the apartment building, freezing in the middle of the sidewalk when Emma screams at her.

 

“Get out of the way!” Emma disappears and reappears beside her, yanking her out of the way of a flying car in the nick of time.  

 

Regina gasps and says, “Thank you.  Where are your parents?”

 

“Inside,” Emma says as she pulls Regina closer to the building.  “She just started throwing things around.  Thought they’d be safer out of the way.  Where’s Zelena?”

 

“I can call her now,” Regina says, fumbling for her phone.  “I didn’t want to leave you here on your own.”

 

As Regina starts to dial Zelena’s number, though, Emma grips her wrist and says, “Wait.  I think she’s already here?”

 

Regina frowns and cranes her neck, catching a glimpse of the Evil Queen in the distance with Zelena at her side.  

 

“I thought I would call in some reinforcements, too, Ms. Swan,” the Evil Queen calls over to them, laughing as she strides forward.  “Now it’s more of a fair fight, don’t you think?”

 

Regina looks at Zelena, fire springing to her palms, and Zelena glances away, face twisted with distress as she raises her own hands and directs a blast of green energy at Emma.  Emma yelps and springs away; the Evil Queen cackles and dives into the fray after Zelena, headed straight for Regina.  

 

Regina snarls and throws a fireball at her, shifting to the right when the Evil Queen deflects it and Regina flings another, followed by a more powerful stream of magic.  She sees the Evil Queen’s eyes widen at the second attack, and she disappears, the magic tearing through the purple smoke left behind.

 

Regina whirls around and finds herself face-to-face with the Evil Queen.  She starts to back away, but the Evil Queen grabs her arms, fingers cruel and hard as she smirks at Regina.  Emma screams in the distance, and Regina struggles to escape the Evil Queen’s grasp, trying desperately to at least turn her head to see Emma.

 

“Don’t worry,” the Evil Queen murmurs as she tilts her face closer, smirk widening into a smile.  “We’re almost done here.”  Then she lifts her head and commands, “Zelena, finish off Ms. Swan.”

 

“No,” Regina gasps, twisting against the Evil Queen’s grip.  “Please.  Don’t do this.”

 

“Too weak to stop me?” the Evil Queen asks with a small chuckle.  “This is why you need me.  You can’t do what’s needed.”

 

“You’re wrong,” Regina says as she pushes a wave of magic at the Evil Queen that sends her flying back a few feet.  

 

Regina runs forward, trying to ignore Emma’s loud yelp of pain behind her and pleading with Zelena to stop, and pins the Evil Queen to the ground, magic pulsing in her hands as she wraps them around the Evil Queen’s throat.  

 

“Make her stop,” Regina says through gritted teeth.

 

“You don’t have the guts to actually kill me,” the Evil Queen says as she tries to kick her legs up and force Regina off of her.

 

Regina bares her teeth and waves her left hand, summoning ropes that wrap around the Evil Queen and bind her.  “Make her stop.”

 

“You won’t actually do it,” the Evil Queen says, but her eyes have softened, wild fear in their depths, and Regina presses her right hand down harder.

 

“Mutually assured destruction,” Regina replies even though her voice shakes a little.  “Call Zelena off.  Now.”

 

The Evil Queen blinks, and Regina squeezes the slightest bit harder.  She can’t feel anything herself, but that’s no guarantee that this won’t end with both of them dead.  

 

And for a moment, she thinks the Evil Queen is going to push her to the edge, is going to drag them both over rather than give in, but then the Evil Queen growls, “Fine.  Zelena, stop.”

 

Regina nods and pulls back her hand some, intending to re-focus her magic and restrain the Evil Queen until she can locate the anti-magic cuff so they can imprison her for the time being.  But the Evil Queen bucks underneath her and disappears in a cloud of purple smoke.

 

Regina screams and slams her hands against the ground, hissing when the pavement scrapes her palms.  She starts to stand up to go find Emma, but Emma is already there, hands steadying Regina.

 

“Are you okay?” Emma asks, eyes wide as she looks Regina up and down.

 

Regina shakes her head and says, “I’m not hurt, but I’m not--” she breaks off and focuses on Emma, gasping when she sees the blood slipping down Emma’s arm.  “You’re hurt!”

 

“Not that badly,” Emma mutters, but she holds her right arm out for Regina to inspect.  “Most of all of that was Zelena digging her hand into my chest and squeezing my heart while apologizing.”

 

“I am sorry,” Zelena says as she walks up, eyes downcast.  “I didn’t have much choice, but maybe I could have fought her harder or--”

 

“I’m fine,” Emma says, cutting her off with a shrug.  “How did you get the Evil Queen to call Zelena off?”

 

Regina hums under her breath and heals the cut in Emma’s arm with a small brush of magic.  She touches her fingers to the spot after, soaks in the warmth of Emma’s skin, the way Emma moves a little closer.

 

“Regina?” Zelena asks, and Regina glances over at her, flushing.

 

“I--I nearly killed her,” Regina admits in a low voice.  She flinches when Emma jerks away and says, “I had to do something and it was all I could think of.”

 

“You could have died,” Emma says quietly.  

 

“You almost did!” Regina snaps.

 

“Because of me,” Zelena says, smiling sadly when she looks at Regina.  “As long as the Evil Queen has my heart in her possession, I’m a danger to everyone.  So it might be best if I go away until we can get my heart back.”

 

Regina stares at her.  “What do you mean?”

 

“I’ll stay somewhere else, and for the time being, when you fight the Evil Queen, you’ll have to treat me like your enemy, too,” Zelena says in a calm voice even though her eyes look wet with tears.  “Just for now.  Because that’s what I am.”

 

“No,” Regina says, shaking her head as she backs away from both of them.  “No, she can’t do this.  She can’t take everything away from me.”

 

“Regina,” Zelena murmurs, walking over to her and touching her arm hesitantly.

 

Regina closes her eyes tight against the overwhelming urge to sink to the ground and weep.  Zelena’s hand moves to her back, steadying her, and Regina presses a hand to her chest over her heart.  She can feel it beating underneath her skin, but it’s not enough, and she pushes her fingers deeper, gasping at the intrusion and the pain even as she closes her hand around her own heart.  Zelena curls in around her, moving her other hand to Regina’s elbow as though she means to pull Regina’s hand back out, but she stays still, watching Regina.

 

Regina chokes on a sob and looks up at Emma, takes in her pale, worried face, and her heart pulses painfully against her restraining fingers.  She’s here, she’s here but part of her is walking around and destroying everything Regina has built, and maybe if Regina just ends it all, destroys herself, it will take the Evil Queen with her.  She squeezes and the flash of pain is overwhelming.

 

Emma drops to the ground in front of her and presses her right palm to the skin above Regina’s heart where Regina’s hand is submerged to the wrist and curls her other hand behind Regina’s neck.  

 

“We’re not done fighting,” Emma says, eyes clear as she bends her head closer to Regina.  “You can’t give up on us.  Not yet.”

 

Zelena inhales sharply and her fingers tighten their grip on Regina’s elbow, tugging gently, uselessly.  Closing her eyes, Regina squeezes again, harder, and she can feel the cracks forming along the surface and it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.  

 

“Regina,” Emma whispers.  Her lips brush Regina’s forehead and Regina shakes, hunching her shoulders as she tries to convince herself to just finish it.  One more squeeze-- “Regina, _stop_.”

 

Regina cries out and she tears her hand free, staring down at her empty palm. _Weak_.  Zelena trails her hand up Regina’s arm and laces her fingers through Regina’s, her breath a shaky exhale as she presses a quick kiss to the side of  Regina’s head.  The abrupt affection steals away what was left of the shaky ground Regina was standing on and tears stream down her face as she holds tight to Zelena’s hand.

 

Emma asks, “Why?” and Regina can’t bear to look at her, not when Regina is so weak.

 

“I don’t know how else to defeat her,” Regina says as she hangs her head.  “I have to make this right after I ruined everything.  And I don’t know what else to do.”

 

“Regina,” Emma says in a soft voice, reaching up to brush her thumb along the line of Regina’s cheek.  “Do you really hate yourself that much?”

 

“That’s not what this is about,” Regina replies, but there’s no force behind it and she still can’t look up and see Emma’s patient eyes and soft smile.

 

She shrinks away from Emma and Zelena, throat tight, unable to breathe, and she has to get out, she can’t bear to be here anymore.  So she closes her eyes and disappears, leaving them both behind.

 

 

 

  



	3. Chapter 3

Regina bangs her fist against Jekyll’s door, bouncing on the balls of her feet and cursing under her breath when the door doesn’t open immediately.  She hits a little harder, and the door swings open just as she’s pulling her hand back to knock again.

 

She stops herself from hitting Jekyll in the face and says, “Did I wake you up?”

 

“No,” he replies, frowning as she pushes past him into his room.  “Not that it seems like you would care.”

 

“How is the serum coming?” Regina asks, deciding to ignore his irritation.  “Is it close to being finished?”

 

“I’ve been working on it non-stop,” he says with a sigh.  “Like I told you, it’s a little more difficult because I can’t just try it out on myself to see if it works.”

 

Regina nods, surveying the room.  “But you’ve made progress?”

 

“I’ve managed to isolate the possible ingredients necessary down to a few,” he says.  He points to a small table in the corner.  “I’m not concerned about how to reverse-engineer the actual process.  My concern is whether your magic will interfere in some way and render the serum useless.”

 

“So, basically, if you were doing this for yourself, you’d be done by now,” Regina says, mouth twisting as she steps closer to the table and examines the items littered across the surface.  “Would it help to make it more magic-focused?”

 

“How so?” he asks, coming up behind her.

 

“Treat it like it’s a potion,” Regina says as she trails her fingers over the table’s edge.  “With something like this, there’s already a fine line in between the science and magic, and I feel like it’s been blurred completely at this point.  So why not try approaching it like it’s a purely magical problem?”

 

“Because it’s not,” he says slowly, and she can hear the disdain dripping from his voice.  “You can’t just hijack a scientific process with magic.”

 

Regina rolls her eyes and turns to face him.  “Why not?  We’ve both split ourselves into two people.  You can’t seriously tell me that what you’ve accomplished is purely science without some influence from magic.”

 

“Do you think this will actually work, or are you just trying to speed up the experiment and damn the consequences?” Jekyll asks, frowning.

 

“I don’t have time to wait around for you to fiddle with a science experiment,” Regina snaps.  “I need progress, and I don’t care how it happens.”

 

“I don’t have to do anything,” he says, taking a step back.  “Hyde is dead.  I don’t have any obligation to fix a decision you made.”

 

Regina moves then, hand coming up to grip him by the throat, pushing him back against the wall behind him.  “It might not be your problem, and I might not be as evil as my other half, but don’t think for a moment that you can just walk away from this.”

 

“Or what?  You’ll kill me?” he scoffs.

 

“No,” she says with a slow smile, trailing her hand down his chest to press over his rapidly beating heart.  “But I can make you finish.”

 

He swallows hard and shakes his head.  “You wouldn’t actually do it.”

 

“Really?”  Regina arches an eyebrow and pushes her hand into his chest, gripping his heart in her hand and wrenching it out.  She examines it for a moment then holds it up in front of his eyes, mouth curling into a satisfied smile.  “Are you so sure?”

 

“Okay, okay,” he gasps out, trembling and eyes wide with terror.  “I’ll finish it, I promise!  Just, put it back.”

 

Regina taps her forefinger against the hard surface of his heart, trying to swallow down her revulsion as it pulses in her hand.  Gritting her teeth, she presses the heart back into his chest and backs away immediately, clenching her hands into fists at her sides because she needs to stay in control right now.  

 

“Don’t ever underestimate me,” Regina says in a low voice, staring him down.  “Finish the serum.”

 

He nods quickly, and she turns, striding quickly as her breathing turns shallow, her stomach roiling.  She makes it to the stairwell before her legs nearly give out on her, and she has to press her hands to the wall and breathe through it, hard inhales through her nose and out through her mouth while she blinks back tears.  It passes, mostly, and she straightens, passing a shaking hand over her eyes before continuing on down the stairs and out into the cold night air.

 

*****

 

Somehow, she’s not surprised when she makes it home and finds the Evil Queen on the front porch, leaning casually against the front door while she watches Regina stride up the sidewalk.

 

“Busy night?” the Evil Queen asks as she straightens and flicks something away from her black leather pants.

 

“I could ask you the same,” Regina says as she walks up the stairs and pauses at the top.  “What do you want?”

 

The Evil Queen shrugs and smirks a little, stepping forward and spreading her arms in a mock welcoming gesture.  “Just to talk.  Unless that’s a crime now, too?”

 

“I have nothing to say to you,” Regina says, sighing as she shifts her weight and considers the consequences of flinging the Evil Queen from her porch.  “You almost killed Emma today.  You’ve stolen my sister’s heart.  I’m done with you.”

 

“Then why are you still visiting dear old Dr. Jekyll?” the Evil Queen says, laughing lightly when Regina takes a step back.  “Has he changed his mind about whether you can kill me without destroying yourself?”

 

“How do you--” Regina starts but then shakes her head.  “Zelena.  She told you.”

 

The Evil Queen shrugs.  “If it gives you any comfort, she wasn’t very willing.  She’s developed a lot of loyalty for you, considering everything that has happened.”

 

“What, you thought she would come running to your side the moment you showed up?” Regina asks.  “Why would she ever choose you?”

 

“Why would she want anything to do with you?” the Evil Queen spits out, stalking forward.  “You want her to be small, like you, when she could be powerful.”

 

Regina steps into the Evil Queen’s space, eyes blazing as she says, “I want her to be happy.  You just want to use her and throw her away, and she knows that.”

 

“Well, she also knows that I’m a part of you,” the Evil Queen says, smiling in triumph as Regina flinches.  “You’re not innocent, Regina.  You just don’t have control of me anymore.”

 

“Our choices matter,” Regina whispers.  “I haven’t chosen anything you’ve done.”

 

“But you cut me out and set me free.”  The Evil Queen leans closer and murmurs, “You chose this.  You just didn’t know it at the time.”

 

“I chose to destroy you,” Regina says with a shake of her head.  “Not to set you free.  But it might have been a mistake, regardless.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Regina takes a shaky breath and says, “I want to be happy.  I know that’s what you want, deep down.  What if I told you that we both had a chance for that?”

 

The Evil Queen arches an eyebrow, saying, “Go on.”

 

“There might be a way to undo all of this,” Regina says slowly, trembling, hoping desperately that this is the right move, that she hasn’t forgotten everything she’s ever wished for.  “To put things back the way they’re meant to be.  For us to be whole and happy.”

 

“Whole?” the Evil Queen echoes.  Her eyes soften as she says, “You mean, reversing the serum?”

 

“Yes,” Regina breathes out.  “We’ve been working on it, trying to see if it’s possible.  But if it is…”

 

“You want me back?” the Evil Queen asks, a small, wondrous smile appearing.

 

Regina nods.  “Yes.”

 

“Well.”  The Evil Queen ducks her head and clears her throat before saying, “I could be happy.”

 

Her smile widens, and then she’s gone, purple smoke curling around her and drifting away, leaving only an empty space behind.  

 

*****

 

The next morning, Regina is woken up by her phone’s insistent ringing.  She fumbles for it and mutters a raspy “hello?” into while she sits up and rubs at her eyes, groaning a little at the early hour.

 

“Jekyll is dead,” Emma says in response, and that’s enough to get Regina to finish waking up.

 

“What?” she asks, clutching her phone tighter.  “What happened?”

 

“We think the Evil Queen got to him at some point last night,” Emma replies with a long sigh.  “Granny found him when she brought his breakfast to his room.  When he didn’t answer, she let herself in and, um, found the body.”

 

“Oh my God.”  Regina runs a hand through her hair and gets up, wandering over to her dresser, grabbing the first few things out of the drawers that her free hand lands on.  “How bad is it?”

 

Emma pauses and then says, “You should probably get over here.  She destroyed whatever he was working on, too, and I don’t know if we can salvage any of it.”

 

“Okay.”  Regina struggles into a pair of jeans and stops when her brain catches up with her.  “Wait, Henry.  I can’t leave him here alone.  Not now.”

 

“I’ll send my parents over to stay with him,” Emma replies.  “They’re leaving now, so they should get there soon.”

 

Regina nods and waves her hand, magicking her clothes onto herself rather than wasting anymore time.  “I’ll be there in a moment, then.”

 

She hangs up and immediately poofs to the bed-and-breakfast, looking around for Emma the moment she appears.  Emma starts at the sudden sight of her then relaxes a little, motioning to the open door behind her.  

“I didn’t want to stomp around the place,” Emma says with a shrug.  “I didn’t want to ruin anything important.”

 

Regina starts for the door then hesitates.  “How--how bad is it?”

 

“I think she just crushed his heart,” Emma says, wincing right after she says it.  “I mean, um, it’s just, well--it’s bad but not what I was expecting?”

 

“I understand,” Regina says quietly, placing a steadying hand on the doorframe as she moves slowly into the room and looks around.

 

He’s splayed out in the middle of the floor, eyes wide open, terrified, and she swallows hard, tries not to think of how just last night, she had held his heart in her hands, too.  She presses her fingers to her mouth and steps carefully around Jekyll’s body, moving to the table where he had set up his equipment to create the serum.  

 

Most of it is destroyed, smashed to pieces or bent beyond recognition, and she trails her hands over them, trembling, furious that she’d been so naive.  She should have never hoped; she should have just resigned herself to her fate and maybe Jekyll wouldn’t be dead and this would be over.

 

Then Emma calls out, “Hey, I think I found something?”

 

Regina turns and sees where Emma is kneeling in front of the bottom drawer of the dresser, hands filled with loose sheets of paper.  

 

“I think they might be his notes or something,” Emma says as she holds the paper out to Regina.

 

Regina hurries over and takes a sheet, eyes scanning over it.  She doesn’t understand the diagrams, but the words--

 

“It looks like these might be the notes he kept while working on the second serum,” Regina says, trying to hold back her relieved smile.  “Why wouldn’t she destroy these, too?”

 

“I don’t know,” Emma replies distractedly as she gathers up all the papers and gets to her feet.  “Maybe she doesn’t think it’ll matter?  Can we actually recreate any of this ourselves?”

 

“We can try,” Regina says as she takes the stack of paper Emma holds out to her.  “But, what do we do about his--”

 

She breaks off, eyes drifting back to where Jekyll’s body has been abandoned, and the wave of intense guilt is overwhelming.  This is her fault; she forced him into this, and now he’s dead.

 

“I’ll take care of it,” Emma says, stepping forward, and touching Regina’s shoulder hesitantly.  “This wasn’t your fault.”

 

“I forced him to keep working on it for me,” Regina murmurs, staring at his body.  

 

“Regina?” Emma asks, moving closer, her fingers trailing down to Regina’s elbow.  

 

Regina swallows and says, “Last night, I came here, and when he tried to back out of finishing the serum, I tore his heart out of his chest and threatened him until he agreed to keep working.  What happened here--oh God, this is my fault.”

 

“You didn’t do this to him, Regina,” Emma says, but Regina shakes her head.

“How do you think she knew?” Regina asks, tears slipping to her cheeks.

 

“I don’t understand,” Emma replies, brow furrowing as she stares at Regina.  “You told her?”

 

“I thought that--” Regina pulls free of Emma’s grasp and sobs, “I thought she would want to be happy, too.  I didn’t think she would come here and do this.”

 

Emma opens her mouth to say something else, but Regina shakes her head furiously and throws her hand up in the familiar gesture to disappear, shaking as she falls to the floor the moment she appears in her house.

 

“Regina!” Snow says in panic as she runs to Regina’s side and tries to help her stand up.

 

“No, don’t,” Regina says pleadingly, pushing Snow’s helpful hands away.  “Please.  I can’t--”

 

But Snow doesn’t listen, and Regina finds herself hoisted up into Snow’s arms and to the couch.  Regina immediately tries to stand up, but Snow pushes her back down.  Regina buries her head in her hands and just sobs.

 

“I messed everything up,” Regina says, letting Snow wrap her arms around her even though Regina needs to run.  “I don’t know how to fix it.  This is all my fault.”

 

“Oh, Regina,” Snow murmurs as she holds Regina close.  “We’re not done yet.  Things will work out.”

 

“Not this time,” Regina says, helpless.  “I can’t change what she’s done.”

 

Snow doesn’t say anything else, and it feels like a condemnation.  

 

*****

 

When she feels the familiar presence of magic in her kitchen later that night, Regina says without turning to face the Evil Queen, “Go away.”

 

“Oh, are you mad at me?” The Evil Queen chuckles.  “What did you expect?  That I would just, what?  Let him finish the serum and you’ll make me disappear and lock me back inside of you?  Why would I want that?”

 

Regina hangs her head and says, “I thought you wanted to be happy.  All of this--you know where it leads.  And it made us miserable.”

 

“I’ll take my chances.  Because I have no intention of going back to the way things were.”  The Evil Queen voice grows harsher as she says, “You locked me away because you were ashamed of me even though we wouldn’t have lived if it wasn’t for _me_.  You want to go back to the way things were?  Were you happy?”

 

“I was,” Regina whispers.  “At least, I had a chance to be happy.”

 

“And how did that end?” the Evil Queen asks quietly.  “A dead soulmate.  Everyone doubting that you could ever change.  You pining after someone who’s chosen someone else.  What kind of chance is that?”

 

Regina whirls to face her, angry.  “It wasn’t like that!”

 

“Really?” The Evil Queen leans closer, lips curling into a cruel smile.  “Regina, you had a soulmate, someone the universe chose to love you.  And he _died_.  What makes you think this world will ever let you be happy, unless you take it for yourself?”

 

“You’re wrong,” Regina says quietly, looking away.  

 

“You know I’m not.  I don’t want to destroy you.”  When Regina looks at her, surprised, the Evil Queen laughs.  “Don’t misunderstand me.  I will if I have to.  But I’ve spent my entire existence fighting for you, fighting for our happiness.  Why would I just stop now?”

 

“Then why do you keep trying to kill the people I love?  My family?” Regina asks.  “You say you want me to be happy but you are tearing me apart.”

 

“I’m not doing anything that they haven’t already done to you,” the Evil Queen spits out, stalking forward until Regina is backed up against the counter.  “You spend all of your time bowing and scraping for the Charmings as though maybe one day they’ll decide that you’re good enough, that you’re worthy.  They don’t deserve you.  This _world_ doesn’t deserve you.  Stop begging for scraps and just take what you _want_.”

 

“I did that.” Regina says, shaking her head as she pushes the Evil Queen away.  “And look where it got us.  We were miserable and alone.”

 

“Look where you are now,” the Evil Queen replies quietly, tilting her head to one side and looking at Regina with pity.  “How different is it?  At least with me, it’s a choice and not something that happens to you.”

 

“I won’t choose you,” Regina murmurs.  “Not like this.”

 

The Evil Queen hums and takes a step back, purple smoke forming around her as she says, “We’ll see.”

 

Then she’s gone.  And when Regina looks around the kitchen, trying to get her bearings, she sees Emma in the doorway, hesitantly moving into the room.

 

“Were you there the whole time?” Regina asks, sagging back against the counter.

 

“Not really,” Emma says, rubbing the back of her neck as she shuffles to a stop in front of Regina.  “I just wanted to come and check on you.  I didn’t mean to eavesdrop or anything.”

 

Regina shrugs.  “I would have told you about it anyway.  No reason why you shouldn’t hear it first-hand.”

 

“Yeah.”  Emma nods and scuffs the toe of her boot on the floor as she says, “She wasn’t right, you know.”

 

“About what?” Regina says as she clutches the edge of the counter to keep from reaching out to Emma.  

 

“About having to beg to be seen as good enough,” Emma says, voice quiet as she steps closer and reaches out slowly, taking Regina’s right hand in her own.  “You are.  You shouldn’t ever have to doubt that.  Not with me.”

 

Regina sighs and leans into Emma’s touch as she says, “I know.  I know that she’s trying to manipulate me.  But some of it, well…”

 

“It’s okay if it feels true,” Emma murmurs.  “She doesn’t have to be completely wrong, either.”

 

“I’m so tired, Emma,” Regina breathes out, tears stinging at her eyes.  “And I’m so afraid.”

 

“I’m sorry.”  Emma reaches up and cups Regina’s cheek with her left hand, thumb brushing gently across Regina’s skin.  “I’m here.  I know that’s not enough, but--”

 

Regina nods and tilts her head up, smiling just a little as she takes in Emma’s sad eyes.  “It’s enough.”

 

Emma lets out a shaky breath and leans her forehead against Regina’s.  Regina lets her eyes flutter closed, overwhelmed at how close Emma is, Emma’s fingers warm and tight around her own, her palm a gentle, rough pressure against Regina’s skin, Emma’s breath puffing gently in quick, hot bursts against Regina’s lips.  

 

Every point of connection pulls taut, and Regina feels Emma move first, breath stuttering at the soft press of Emma’s lips just shy of the corner of Regina’s mouth.  Regina shifts, turning her face towards Emma’s, heart pounding, but then Emma’s cell phone rings shrilly in the quiet, causing Emma to leap back, cursing as she tries to dig her phone out of her pocket.

 

“It’s Killian,” Emma says as she looks at the caller ID, mouth downturned.  She silences it and glances apologetically at Regina.  “I should probably go.  I’ll come back in the morning, and we can figure out what to do with Jekyll’s notes.”

 

“That--”  Regina stops and licks her lips, swallowing before she says, “That sounds like a good idea.”

 

Emma nods quickly and gives Regina a soft, hesitant smile before she turns and leaves.

 

*****

 

The next morning, Regina waits for Emma.  And waits.  She tries calling, and when there’s no answer, Regina almost flings her phone at the wall.  She goes to get her coat instead, though, pausing at the foot of the stairs to call up to Henry, “Sweetheart, I’m going to find Emma.  I’ll be back soon.”

 

He appears at the top of the stairs, hair still messy from sleep, and says, “Okay.  Can I hang out with you guys while you work on the serum stuff?”

 

“As long as you don’t bother us while we’re trying to work,” Regina replies with a fond smile.  He nods, and she says, “I’ll make some breakfast when I get back with Emma.”

 

Henry grins and then yawns, stretching his long arms before saying, “Cool.  I’m going back to sleep.”

 

She starts to tell him that he should go ahead and get a shower, but stops.  Emma would accuse her of being too indulgent with him, but well.  Considering the circumstances, she’s going to give him everything he wants in the event that one day soon, she won’t be able to.  Her smile slips a little as she watches him shuffle back down the hall, wanting to hold him in her mind like this, her boy who is growing and growing, an absolute miracle.

 

Shrugging on her coat, Regina heads for the door, grabbing her keys on the way out.  Poofing there would be faster, but after last night, she needs the extra time to steady herself before seeing Emma again.

 

The streets are quiet as she drives, everyone too afraid of possibly running into the Evil Queen to venture outdoors even in broad daylight.  Snow and David have been working the hardest to keep people calm, but if this goes on for much longer, Regina knows that the townspeople will riot and demand action.  And she can’t blame them; this wasn’t supposed to be a nightmare any of them would live again and yet, here they all are.

 

Those thoughts fade away as she pulls up to the house Emma has been sharing with Killian.  Emma’s Bug is sitting in the driveway, and Regina frowns as she gets out of her car and walks to the front door.  She rings the doorbell and waits, uneasy as she surveys the eerily still street.  A minute goes by with no response, and Regina considers trying the doorbell again, but something doesn’t feel right.

 

She turns the doorknob carefully and frowns when it gives and the door just opens.  It’s dark inside, the curtains still pulled down over the windows, blocking out the morning sun.  Regina steps forward hesitantly, looking around, calling out, “Emma?”

 

She walks to the kitchen, pausing in the doorway when she sees Emma kneeling on the floor, back turned to her.

 

“Emma?” Regina asks, right hand coming up to rest on the doorframe.

 

She touches something slick, almost sticky, and Regina jerks her hand back, gasping when she looks down and sees her fingers smeared with red.   _Blood_.

 

Regina rushes forward, kneeling on the floor beside Emma as she asks, “Emma, what happened?  Are you all right?  Are you hurt?”

 

Emma doesn’t respond, and Regina sees it before she understands.  Emma is curled around Hook’s body, blood pooling underneath him, spattered on the walls, his throat a dark red, gaping mess like it had been—

 

“Oh God,” Regina groans, shifting so she can reach Hook, hands trembling as she searches for a pulse, fingers slipping in the thick blood.

 

“He’s dead,” Emma says in a monotone, startling Regina.  “I found him like this after I came home.  He’s dead.”

 

Regina stares at her, mouth gaping.  “You’ve been here all night?  Emma—“

 

“No,” Emma replies, jerking away from Regina’s outstretched hand.  “Don’t touch me.  I—he needs me.”

 

“Emma,” Regina says quietly, trying to breathe past the horror.  “Please—“

 

“No.”  Emma shakes her head and tries to pull his body closer to her own.  “I can’t leave him.  He needs me.”

 

It’s too much, and Regina can barely breathe, blood soaking through her pants legs, and it’s _too much_.  She bolts from the kitchen, shoulders heaving as she bursts outside, collapsing on the front lawn and vomiting, sobbing through the retching that shakes her entire body.  She chokes and crouches there, gasping, hand clumsy as she pulls out her phone and tries to dial Snow’s number.  She cries out in frustration when she hits the wrong buttons at first, but once she gets it right, she holds the phone to her ear, wrapping her left arm tight across her stomach.

 

“Hello?” Snow answers distractedly, Neal’s babbling distinct in the background.

 

“Snow,” Regina sobs, trying to find something to say.

 

“Regina?  What’s wrong?’ Snow’s voice has gone hard, focused, and Regina clings to that as she shakes her head and tries to force back the hysterical tears trying to break through.

 

“It’s Emma.  Hook is—“ she breaks off, unable to say it, and breathing in harshly, she says, “he’s dead.”

 

There’s a sharp intake of breath and Snow asks, “Where is Emma?  Is she all right?’

 

“I found her with him,” Regina whispers.  “She’s not hurt but I can’t—I—she needs…”

 

“We’ll be right there,” Snow replies immediately.  “Where are you?”

 

“Emma’s house,” Regina says, pressing her hand to her forehead.  “Snow, I—“

 

“Stay there,” Snow says.  “We’re on our way.”

 

Regina chokes out, “Okay,” and hangs up, hand dropping to her side as she squeezes her eyes closed.

 

She needs—she needs to—

 

She moves blindly, dialing before she can think, and when Zelena answers, Regina sobs, “I need you.”

 

“Oh, Regina,” Zelena says, and Regina freezes.

 

“You knew,” Regina hisses into the phone, anger superseding any other emotion in that moment.  “Why didn’t you do something?  Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I couldn’t,” Zelena snaps, sighing a second later.  “I couldn’t have stopped her, and she commanded me to keep it to myself after.  If I could have stopped you from finding that…”

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Regina says as she collapses back in on herself.  “Please.  What should I do?”

 

“I don’t know,” Zelena murmurs.  “I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.”

 

Then she hangs up, and Regina gives in to the fresh wave of tears.  She doesn’t know how much time passes until she feels David’s strong hands on her back, under her arms, lifting her from the ground and pulling her close.  She wants to twist free, but she can’t find the will when her mind is still swimming, overwhelmed, so she lets herself sag against him as she tries to re-center, focus.

 

She breathes through it, focusing on the way one of his hands is rubbing gentle circles on her back, and after a minute, she opens her eyes and gently pulls free of his grasp.

 

“You should be with your daughter,” Regina says quietly, eyes downcast as she runs hers hands down the front of her coat, revulsion washing over her when she sees the streaks of blood her fingers leave behind.  “I should get home.  Henry will be wondering where I am.”

 

“Regina,” David says, but he stops.  Then he nods and says, “We’ll call you.  Let you know how she’s doing.  If you need anything…”

 

Regina forces a small smile onto her face.  “I’ll be fine.”

 

She turns and walks away, legs unsteady, but she keeps moving until she makes it to her car, aware that he’s still watching her, probably doubting that she’ll be able to get home on her own.  She grits her teeth and slides into her car, numbly starting it and driving home, eyes on the road, not seeing anything at all but the red staining her hands.

 

*****

 

Henry sits quietly beside her as she tells him what happened to Hook in a shaky voice, staring down at her hands in her lap, twisting her fingers together as the words tumble out of her mouth.

 

“Is Ma okay?” he asks when Regina is done speaking.

 

Regina sighs and says, “Emma just lost someone she cares about very deeply.  She’s not physically hurt, but, well…”

 

He nods his head and then leans his head on her shoulder, saying hesitantly, “Mom?”

 

“What is it, sweetheart?” Regina murmurs, resting her head against his, slipping an arm around his waist.  

 

“Is it bad if, um, I don’t feel that sad?”

 

Regina frowns and says, “What do you mean?”

 

“It’s just that I didn’t know him that well,” Henry says, shrugging his shoulders and jostling her.  “I mean, he was Ma’s boyfriend, and I’m sad that he’s dead.  I just--I feel like I should feel _more_.”

 

“No, it’s not bad,” Regina says, lifting her head so she can press a kiss to his hair.  “It feels different when it’s someone who is somewhat in your life but you don’t know very well.  It’s not wrong, but it won’t feel the same.”

 

“Okay.”  He lets out a long breath and turns in her arms so he’s almost curled up next to her.  “I’m sorry that she did this.”

 

“Me, too,” Regina replies softly.

 

*****

 

She’s curled up with Henry on the couch, watching Star Wars, when Snow calls.  Henry lifts the remote to pause the movie, but Regina shakes her head.

 

“I’ve seen it a million times,” she says as she gets up from the couch.  “And I’ll be back in a minute.”

 

She goes to the kitchen, aware that Henry’s gaze is tracking her until she’s out of sight, and finally answers the vibrating phone in her hand.

 

“Snow,” Regina says as she leans against the kitchen counter.  “How is she?”

 

“Oh no,” Snow murmurs, voice thick.  Regina hears David’s voice rumbling in the background, and then Snow says, “We were hoping Emma was with you.”

 

Regina straightens, stomach twisting.  “What do you mean?  Where is she?”

 

“I...I don’t know,” Snow stammers, sniffling.  “David and I were helping get the body--Hook into the ambulance, and when we turned around, Emma was just gone.”

 

Regina closes her eyes, breathes deep, and says, “Have you tried looking for her?  Calling her?”

 

“David has been trying to call her, but she’s not answering her phone,” Snow says.  “Her car is still here, so at least she’s still in Storybrooke.  But it’s not safe for her to be out there on her own.”

 

“I can come help you look for her, but—“  Regina pauses, shaking her head as she glances out the kitchen window, almost hoping that she’ll see Emma outside.  “If Emma doesn’t want to be found, then we might not be able to locate her.”

 

“We have to try,” Snow replies, her voice taking on that earnest hopefulness that Regina wants to lean into even as she despises it.  “She’s my daughter, Regina, and she’s hurting right now.  She needs to know that we’re here for her.”

 

“Okay.”  Regina sighs and says, “Henry and I will be there soon.”

 

“We’ll be waiting here,” Snow replies before hanging up.

 

Regina lets her hand drop to her side and stays still, shoulders sagging as her mind runs through all the possible places Emma could be.  She glances down at her phone and considers it for a moment.  Her thumb moves almost automatically, pulling up a message thread from Emma.  She types out a quick message, “where are you,” but then she deletes it.  Emma’s not going to answer her, not if Emma is ignoring her own parents.

 

Regina straightens and runs a quick hand through her hair, going back to Henry only to find him with the movie paused and leaning over the back of the couch, face expectant.

 

“Something happened with Ma,” he says, fact, not a question, and Regina tries to smile for him.

 

“Your grandparents lost track of her,” Regina says with a shrug.  “We’re going to help them look for her.”

 

He frowns and asks, “Did she leave?”

 

Regina crosses the room quickly, touching his cheek as she says, “No, sweetheart.  She just probably wants some time to process everything.  But we need to know where she is.”

 

“Because she might do something stupid,” Henry says as he twists back around and scrambles off the couch.

 

“Something like that,” Regina murmurs as he heads for the coat closet.

  


*****

  


They don’t give up until it’s pitch-black out, and even though Regina wants to keep looking, she glances at Henry and sees his pinched expression as he stares out the passenger window.

 

“Why don’t we go home and have some dinner?” Regina asks, a gentle suggestion.

 

Henry bristles and says, “But we haven’t found her yet, Mom.”

 

“Henry,” she snaps, her own exhaustion getting the better of her.  She sighs and rubs her hand over her forehead, saying a little more softly, “We’re not much use to Emma if we’re both too hungry and tired to focus on her.  We can keep looking in the morning.”

 

“No, we can’t give up on her,” Henry says, a whine creeping into his voice, and Regina shakes her head.

 

“We’re not giving up,” Regina says, reaching over and gripping his shoulder, lightly squeezing it.  “But it’s all right to take a break to make sure we’re at our best.”

 

He nods, still hesitant, and she relaxes, withdrawing and putting the car into drive so they can go home.  Henry stays quiet, leaning his head against the window, and Regina leaves him be as she drives down dark and silent streets, hoping for a glimpse of Emma somewhere out there in the night.

 

 

*****

 

 

It takes a long time to convince Henry to go to bed, and Regina is absolutely exhausted.  But she can’t sleep, mind too busy whirling through all the possible places Emma could have gone.  She paces her study, pausing on occasion to listen to make sure she can’t hear Henry trying to sneak out of the house.  

 

She runs a hand through her hair and huffs.  She should be able to figure this out, and every second matters when the Evil Queen could get to Emma and--

 

Closing her eyes, Regina stamps her foot and hisses, “Damn it,” before poofing to the farmhouse, hoping that she’s wrong or that at least she’s not too late.

 

She can hear the sound of a struggle from outside, and she takes off at a run, too slow in the cold air that stings as she inhales it sharply.  She bursts through the front door and stops when she hears Emma yelp in pain.  Regina looks around and sees Emma in the middle of the living room, struggling to her feet, the anti-magic cuff clutched in her hand.

 

“Ah, you’re here for the grand finale,” the Evil Queen says, and Regina whirls to look at her, eyes widening when she sees the fireball in the Evil Queen’s hand.

 

Regina moves without thinking, pushing her magic out in the Evil Queen’s direction with her right hand before racing to Emma’s side.  She wraps a hand around Emma’s arm and poofs away.

 

They end up outside Regina’s house, and Regina looks Emma over, running her hands over Emma’s arms and her back, asking, “Are you okay?  How badly are you hurt?  Emma?”

 

Emma shakes her head and pushes Regina away, stumbling but remaining on her feet.  Regina lets her hands fall to her sides and watches her, heart still racing.  

 

She finally snaps, “How could you have run off and done something so stupid?  You were almost killed.”

 

“I thought I’d actually do something for once,” Emma says in a low voice as she holds the cuff up before flinging it away.  “I thought that if all of you seemed to think that I’d run away, then she’d think the same thing so she wouldn’t expect, well--”

 

Emma lets out a bitter laugh and turns away from her.  Regina takes a step toward her then stops, wrapping her arms across her stomach.  

 

“He was dead before I even got there.”  Emma’s voice is quiet, almost too soft for Regina to even hear.  “I should have been there.  And I wasn’t.  I just thought that maybe I could stop her from hurting anyone else.”

 

“Emma,” Regina breathes out, moving to her, stopping only when Emma shakes her head.

 

“I need time,” Emma says, finally looking at Regina with tear-filled eyes.  “I won’t try anything again, but I just--I need time.”

 

Regina nods, and Emma lets out a long breath before turning and walking.  Regina stays and watches her go, feeling frozen and helpless.  She bows her head and walks back to the house, her strides growing longer and more purposeful as she finally comes up with a plan.  

 

It doesn’t take her long to find the gun safe tucked away on the top shelf in her closet.  Her fingers tremble as she opens it and pulls out the gun Emma had given her before the trip to New York City.  She grows steadier as she loads a clip into it and grips it in her right hand, forefinger moving to the trigger.  It’s been awhile since she’s even considered using a gun, but it’s cool against her palm, the weight familiar and grounding.

 

She stops outside Henry’s door and presses her hand to it, tempted to peek inside to get a glimpse of his peaceful sleeping face, her beautiful boy.  But she shakes her head and keeps going.  Once Regina is downstairs, she poofs back to the farmhouse, landing on the porch outside.  

 

She opens the front door and steps into the house, stopping short at the sight of the Evil Queen.

 

“Back again?” the Evil Queen asks with a sneer, already lifting a hand to form a fireball.  “Aren’t you tired of constantly being beaten by me?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Regina whispers as she takes another step and lifts the gun.  

 

She sees the Evil Queen’s eyes widen with fear, and she says again, “I’m sorry,” before she squeezes the trigger.

 

It hits the Evil Queen square in the chest, and Regina gasps as she watches the Evil Queen crumple and fall.  But she’s still standing, and the Evil Queen is turning her head to look at her, so Regina shakily lifts the gun and aims for the head this time.

 

Then the pain explodes in her chest, and she can’t breathe, can’t think as she falls and falls and falls.

 

 

*****

 

 

Regina groans and slowly, slowly opens her eyes.  The last thing she remembers is lying on the floor, sure that she was dying, so she’s a little confused by the dim room and the thin sheet covering her.  Her mouth and throat are dry and even though she’s trying to focus on sitting up, her body isn’t responding.

 

There’s a hurried movement to her left and then Snow is standing over her, eyebrows drawn together as she touches Regina’s arm.

 

“No, you need to stay in bed,” Snow says quietly.  “It took a long time for them to get the bullet out of the Evil Queen.  You both barely survived.”

 

“What...happened?” Regina asks, barely able to get the words out.

 

Snow nods and says, “Zelena was the one who found you.  She kept you both alive until the ambulance got there.  But, Regina...did you shoot her?  We’ve been trying to make sense of it because you knew that her death means you’ll die, too.”

 

Regina sighs and closes her eyes, turning her head away.  She hears Snow’s quiet sob, and then Emma’s voice.

 

“Mom, I think Dad wants to talk to you.”  

 

Regina opens her eyes and takes in the sight of Emma in the doorway, shoulders hunched, hair falling into her face.  Snow hesitates, her hand tightening on Regina’s arm, but when Regina doesn’t speak, she lets go and leaves, pausing to murmur something to Emma.

 

Once Snow is gone, Emma shuffles just inside the room and leans against the wall, her head still bowed.  

 

Regina swallows and says, “Do hospitals make you nervous or something?”

 

Emma’s head snaps up and her eyes are furious as she stalks over to the bed.  Regina just watches her, waiting.  Emma doesn’t speak, just stands there, staring down at the foot of the bed.  Eventually, Emma shakes her head and sits down in the chair beside the the bed.

 

“You almost died,” Emma murmurs, her mouth twisting as she taps her fingers against the arm of the chair.  “And I wasn’t there.  I had to get a phone call from my mom.”

 

“Emma,” Regina says, but Emma shakes her head.

 

“No.  No, we’re not going to do this,” Emma says in a low voice.  “And this is it, Regina.  No matter what, you’re not dying.  I’m not going to get another phone call about how you’ve been rushed into surgery and might die.  I’m not going to sit in that waiting room _again_ with our son while I try to figure out how to tell him it’s going to be okay when it’s _not_.”

 

“I thought it was the right thing to do,” Regina whispers, blinking back tears.  “She’s hurt so many people.  I was trying to stop her.”

 

Emma sighs and she smiles sadly.  “I know.  But it’s not, Regina.  You can’t die.”

 

“Why not?” Regina asks as she stares up at the ceiling.  “Why is my life worth more than anyone else’s?”

 

“I can’t lose you,” Emma says, so quiet that Regina almost doesn’t even hear her.  “Please.  I can’t lose you, Regina.”

 

“If that’s what it takes--” Regina starts, but she stops, startled when Emma reaches over and takes her hand.

 

“No,” Emma says as she leans closer.  “You made me promise that I would do whatever it takes to keep Henry safe.  And I want you to promise me that you’ll live.  For Henry.  If you can’t do it for anyone else, stay alive for him because he needs you, Regina, and I can’t--I won’t let you just die when our son needs you.”

 

Regina shakes her head.  “Emma…”

 

“Please,” Emma says as tears slip down her cheeks.  “I need you to promise me.  I need you to stay alive.”

 

Regina pulls her hand free from Emma’s grasp and looks back up at the ceiling.  It’s selfish when she knows that the Evil Queen will kill again when she has the chance, but she doesn’t want to die.  And even then, she can’t be responsible for causing Emma anymore grief.

 

“All right,” Regina whispers.

 

Emma sighs and says, “Okay, good.  Okay.”

 

Regina feels Emma’s fingers brush the back of her hand, and Regina breathes in, turning her hand and gripping Emma’s tight.

 

 

*****

 

Two days pass before Zelena comes to see her.  

 

Regina watches her hover in the doorway before saying, “Are you going to come in or not?”

 

Zelena jumps and moves inside, dropping unceremoniously into the chair beside Regina’s bed.  “You shouldn’t be so snappy with me.  I did save your life.”

 

“And then you disappeared for days,” Regina replies as she turns her attention back to the television show she’d been watching.

 

“I needed time,” Zelena says.

 

“For what?” Regina asks, rolling her eyes.

 

Zelena huffs.  “You almost died because you shot your evil half.  You don’t get to be mad at me!”

 

“How did you save us?” Regina says, glancing at Zelena with a slight smile.  “They told me that I suffered the exact same damage as her, just without the bullet.  How did you manage to keep us alive?”

 

“I took my chances and picked one of you,” Zelena says as she looks away.  “I put my hand into your chest and tried to stop the bleeding.  It worked.  Barely.”

 

Regina nods and then Zelena says, “I almost didn’t, though.  I thought that if you really wanted to die, then maybe I should just...let you.  But I couldn’t.”

 

Regina swallows hard and turns her head back to stare at the television.  “Thank you.”

 

Zelena sighs and reaches over, grabbing the remote from Regina’s bed.  “Dear god, there has to be something better on.  Oh, and by the way, I dropped that gun into the ocean.”

 

And Regina laughs even though it hurts.

 

 

*****

 

 

When Regina is released from the hospital, everyone hovers.  It’s irritating, even more than it would be otherwise because she’s still too weak to do anything for herself.  But when Snow re-adjusts the sheets for the fifth time, Regina snaps.

 

“I’m fine,” Regina says, pulling the sheets out of Snow’s hands, suppressing a grimace at the ripple of pain from that sudden movement.  “There has to be something more useful for you to do.”

 

“I…,” Snow flushes and wrings her hands, looking around to David.  She finally says softly, “I can make tea?”

 

Regina nods, and Snow practically scurries away.  Regina frowns, a little bothered by Snow’s suddenly meek demeanor, but she’s distracted when Henry settles carefully on the bed beside her.

 

“You shouldn’t be so mean to them,” Henry says as he grabs the remote and pulls up their Netflix account.  “Everyone has been freaked out since that night.  They’re just trying to help.”

 

“And what about you?” Regina asks, reaching over and pushing his bangs away from his eyes.  “How are you feeling?”

 

He shrugs.  “I’m fine, I guess.  You’re home.”

 

“You don’t have to pretend that you’re okay if you’re not,” she says quietly as she watches him, takes in the stubborn set of his jaw as he stares up at the television.

 

“I think—“  He frowns and says, “I think I need to be fine right now.  Ma isn’t around and you’re hurt, and it’s just easier to…be fine.”

 

“Oh, Henry,” she whispers, tears stinging at her eyes as she reaches over and takes his hand.  “You don’t have to—“

 

“I’m fine,” he snaps, wrenching free of her grasp.  He blinks furiously and says again, “I’m fine.  I’m fine.  I’m—“

 

Something catches in his voice, and he shudders as he starts to cry, eyes screwed up like he’s trying to hold the tears back.  Regina shifts and tries to get an arm around his shoulders, frustrated that her injury is preventing her from holding her own son.  She manages to get close enough to lean her head against his, reaching down to hold tightly to his hand.

 

“I’m here,” she says as he gasps for breath and sobs.  “I’m here, Henry.  I’m here.”

 

 

*****

 

 

Zelena comes late at night, appearing in a cloud of green smoke at the foot of the bed.  Regina looks up from the pages of Jekyll’s salvaged notes and waits for a moment.  When Zelena doesn’t speak, though, Regina looks back down to the pages spread out on the covers, frowning as she tries to figure out his nearly indecipherable shorthand.

 

“Working on the serum?” Zelena asks, plopping down on the bed and picking up a page.

 

“Yes,” Regina replies.  “Did you need something or have news?”

 

Zelena tosses the paper back to the bed and shrugs.  “I get lonely out there.  She’s still in the hospital for now.  Probably not for much longer, but until then, I don’t have much to do.”

 

“How is she going to leave?” Regina says, frowning as she puts her own pages aside.  “They’ve been keeping her sedated, and she suffered a gunshot wound to the chest.  I can barely do anything for myself still.  She can’t just leave.”

 

“She’s been faking it,” Zelena says as she looks away.  “The sedation anyway.  With my help, actually.  I’m bound to her commands as long as she has my heart, so I don’t have much choice.  And when she’s not sedated, she’s been trying to heal herself.”

 

Regina gapes at her.  “That’s…that’s _insane_.  She can’t see what she’s doing inside her body.  She could kill us both.”

 

Zelena smiles a little and says, “I told her that, but she’s determined.  And she’s the reason why you’re recovering faster than expected.”

 

“Because she’s using magic to heal her body?” Regina asks.  When Zelena nods, Regina leans back into her pillows, brow furrowed.  “Does she know that?”

 

“Yes.  It’s a calculated risk.  Better the both of you healed and free than her staying under your control until you find a way to get rid of her.”  Zelena glances at Regina and says, “I don’t think I blame her for feeling that way.”

 

“She’s dangerous, Zelena,” Regina says quietly.

 

“So are you,” Zelena replies, voice soft but pointed.  “Look at what you did to yourself.”

 

“It’s not the same thing,” Regina replies as she clenches her hands into fists.  “I didn’t kill anyone else.  I haven’t hurt anyone.”

 

Zelena laughs, the sound a bitter cackle, and she says, “Maybe not.  But you should understand that if you died, it would matter.  It would hurt so many people.”

 

Regina sighs and shakes her head.  “Zelena.”

 

“I have to go,” Zelena murmurs.

 

She leans over and presses a kiss to Regina’s forehead, the pressure quick and fleeting, gone before Regina can respond, and then Zelena disappears in a plume of green smoke.

 

 

*****

 

 

Now that she knows what to look for, she can feel what the Evil Queen is doing.  And as the days go by, she feels stronger and stronger, the Evil Queen bolder with each success.  Regina traces the progress with her own magic, a little in awe because it should be impossible and yet—

 

She doesn’t tell anyone about the Evil Queen’s plans.  She should because the Evil Queen is dangerous, because the Evil Queen will kill and hurt and maim the moment she gets the opportunity.  But…she doesn’t.  And one day the phone call comes.

 

“The Evil Queen escaped,” Snow says, her face drawn tight with worry and Regina almost wants to laugh.

 

“She’s still too weak to do any harm,” Regina says as she places her hand over heart, the steady beat more of a comfort than a terror now.

 

Snow shakes her head.  “But when she gets stronger—“

 

“I will be, too,” Regina cuts her off, smiling a little.

 

Snow opens her mouth to speak but then snaps it shut, patting Regina on the shoulder before leaving the room.  Regina frowns because Snow has been growing more and more suspicious over the past few weeks with Regina’s miraculously quick recovery.  But she shrugs and turns her attention back to Jekyll’s notes.

 

 

*****

 

Emma sighs as she sits down on the couch beside Regina.  “So, my mom is worried that you know something about the Evil Queen that you haven’t told us.”

 

“Like what?” Regina asks, not even looking up from the Scrabble game she’s playing on her iPad.

 

“It’s like she thinks you might be working with the Evil Queen?”  Emma shrugs and says, “I told her that she was being ridiculous and paranoid and she doesn’t even seem to really believe it, either, but I was sent to talk to you about it.”

 

Regina puts her game aside and says, “I’m not working with the Evil Queen.  I was aware that she was planning an escape, but that shouldn’t have been a surprise for anyone.  It was a foregone conclusion when you made the decision to not use the anti-magic cuff.”

 

“True, but you knew more?” Emma asks, eyebrows raised.

 

“Zelena came by for a chat one night,” Regina says, glancing down at the blanket covering her legs and fiddling with the edge of it.  “The Evil Queen was using magic to heal herself, and it was healing me as well.  And I don’t know why I didn’t say anything.  But I just—I couldn’t.”

 

“You don’t owe me an explanation,” Emma says quietly.

 

Regina snaps her head up and says, “Don’t I?  After what she’s done—“

 

“Don’t,” Emma warns, voice low and tight as she shifts on the couch.  “I don’t want to talk about what happened.  It wasn’t your fault.”

 

Regina nods.  “Henry said the funeral was lovely.”

 

“Regina,” Emma sighs and shakes her head.  “It was small.  He didn’t—he didn’t have a lot of friends.  And it felt different from last time.”

 

“We never had a funeral for him last time,” Regina says quietly as she reaches out, brushing Emma’s shoulder with her fingers.  “Have you thought about…”

 

Emma shakes her head.  “No.  I—I said goodbye this time.  I’m going to let him move on.  Even though I don’t know why I’m not going down to the Underworld to get him back all over again.  I love him.  And he’s gone.  And I feel…”

 

“Emma?” Regina drifts her hand down Emma’s back, eyes fixed on Emma’s face.

 

“I feel like I can still breathe,” Emma says, the words tumbling out as she turns her head to meet Regina’s gaze.  “Last time, I thought I would _die_ without him.  But now, I can still breathe and it _hurts_ but I still feel like I can breathe.”

 

“I know,” Regina murmurs, her left hand pressed to the small of Emma’s back as she cups Emma’s cheek with the other.  “I know.”

 

Emma’s hand comes up to grip Regina’s wrist, holding tight as she leans closer until her forehead is pressed to Regina’s.  Regina traces her thumb over Emma’s cheekbone, breathes in, out, closing her eyes as Emma turns her head and brushes her lips against Regina’s palm.  

 

“I’m glad you’re still here,” Emma says, her words soft as her breath skates across Regina’s skin.  

 

Regina swallows hard as Emma looks back at her, and she can’t quite help the way her eyes flicker down to Emma’s mouth and then back up.  She flushes and pulls away, reaching for the television remote.

 

“Henry assigned me a list of things to watch,” Regina says, voice a little shaky as she tries to focus on pulling up Netflix.  

 

“Of course he did,” Emma says with a small laugh.  

 

Regina picks the first thing that comes up and tries not to pay attention to the easy way Emma drapes her arm over the back of the couch, her fingers just brushing Regina’s shoulder.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

 

*****

 

She finally figures out the serum.  Weeks of work and research while bed bound, and now that she’s found what looks like an answer, she can’t stop. She works through the night, ink-stained fingers shaking as she carefully measures out ingredients, referring to her notes at every step.  This has to be right, this has to be it.  It has to brew for a few hours, and she sits back and watches it, eyes drooping as the liquid bubbles in a glass beaker over the small bunsen burner flame.  

 

Once it’s finished, she turns the flame off and leaves it there to cool.  Sunlight is just starting to slowly slip into the room, and she frowns when she hears Henry’s footsteps upstairs.  She leaves the study and heads for the stairs, stopping when Henry appears at the top of them, yawning and stretching.

 

“You’re up early,” she says as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes.

 

Henry frowns and says, “Did you not sleep at all?”

 

She takes in the way his pajama pants stop above his ankles, already too short, his messy hair sticking up in spikes, and the urgency of using the serum right now fades away.  It might not work, after all, and there are no second chances this time.  Henry trudges down the stairs to her, eyes still squinting against the morning light, and she wants and wants.  

 

“Why don’t we have pancakes for breakfast and eat in the living room?” she asks when he gets to the bottom of the stairs.

 

He grins and says, “We haven’t done that in ages.”

 

“I know,” she says quietly as she reaches over to smooth down his hair, chuckling a little when he ducks out of her reach.  “I haven’t made the time.  I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

 

He shrugs.  “A lot has happened.”  He pauses and his eyes narrow as he looks at her and asks, “But we have time now?”

 

“For breakfast?” she asks as she turns and heads for the kitchen.  “Of course we do.”

 

He doesn’t respond, but he does follow after her, settling on a stool in the kitchen as she starts looking for the ingredients she needs.  She can feel his eyes focused on her every movement, and she fumbles with the mixing bowl, her movements slow and sloppy.

 

“Mom?” Henry asks, voice filled with concern, and she leans on the counter, palms flat against cool granite.  “What’s going on?”

 

“I’m making breakfast,” she replies with a shake of her head, craning her neck to flash him a quick smile.  “That’s all.”

 

“But why do we have time now?” he says, hands clenched into fists like he _knows_.  

 

She abandons her messily arranged ingredients and the pan she had set out on a cool stove and crosses over to him in three quick strides, reaching out to cup his chin in her hand, thumb sweeping and over his jaw to his cheek.

 

“I always have time for you, Henry,” she says as she smiles.  “You don’t have to worry about anything.”

 

His mouth twists.  “Mom.”

 

She lets her hand fall away and says in light voice, “Do you want chocolate chips in your pancakes?”

 

He looks startled by the change in conversation, and he says, “Um, sure.”

 

Regina nods and hunts down the bag of chocolate chips in her pantry.  It’s significantly lighter than she remembers, and she holds it up, frowning.  It actually almost appears empty, and she’s still trying to think of when that could have possibly happened when Henry laughs, pulling her attention.

 

“Aunt Z must have eaten them all,” he says, face flushed with his amusement.  

 

“Well, I guess that’s a ‘no,’ to the chocolate chips, then,” she replies, laughing a little as she sets the bag aside.  

 

Such a small thing, but the reminder of Zelena stings as she starts to measure out the flour, sugar, salt, and baking powder into the bowl.  She pushes it all away, though, and focuses on her son and his bright laughter and smile and this morning that they are going to share together.  A good memory, just in case it’s the last.  

 

*****

 

After they finish eating, Henry grabs her plate before she can get up and marches it into the kitchen, calling back that he would take care of cleaning up.  She smiles and shakes her head, but she leaves him be for the moment at least.  

 

Sighing, she pulls out her phone and calls Zelena, clicking her tongue impatiently as she listens to it ring.

 

“It’s too fucking early,” Zelena says, and Regina rolls her eyes.

 

“I need you to do something for me,” Regina says as she angles her body away from the kitchen, keeping her voice low.  “I need you to get the Evil Queen out of hiding.”

 

The line is quiet for awhile and then Zelena says, “The last time you were anywhere near her, you shot her.  You almost died.  Again.”

 

“I’m not going to do that again,” Regina replies.  “I finished the serum.”

 

“And you know it will work?” Zelena asks, and Regina can almost hear the curl of her lip.

 

Regina bites the inside of her cheek before saying, “Yes.”

 

“You’re lying,” Zelena says immediately.  She sighs.  “I am not going to help you kill yourself.”

 

“It’s our best chance,” Regina says, voice low as she glances back in the direction of the kitchen.  “I can do this with or without you, Zelena.  I’m putting an end to this.”

 

“Then why even ask me?” Zelena says, clearly irritated.  There’s a pause and then, “No.  Fuck.”

 

“I need someone there,” Regina tells her quietly.  “In case--”

 

“No,” Zelena cuts her off.  “I’m not doing this.”

 

Regina pinches the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger as she says, “Would you rather I ask someone else?”

 

The silence stretches out for so long that Regina almost thinks Zelena just hung up on her, and she wouldn’t blame her.  

 

But then Zelena murmurs, “Come to the farmhouse this afternoon.  Around three.  She’s always here then.”

 

Zelena does hang up immediately after that, and Regina drops her phone to her lap.  

 

“Mom?”

 

Regina starts at Henry’s voice and looks up, eyes wide when she sees the tears on his cheeks.  He sobs, swaying on his feet, leaning towards her, and she opens her arms, letting out a long, slow breath when he collapses beside her on the couch and settles in her embrace.

 

“Oh, Henry,” she murmurs, pressing her lips to the side of his head, hand rubbing gentle circles on his back as he sobs.  “I don’t want you to worry.”

 

“You can’t die,” he says, voice breaking.  “You promised.”

 

“I’m going to be okay, sweetheart,” she says.  She swallows against the cry threatening to break free of her throat and says. “It’s going to be okay.”

 

He just shakes his head, eyes closed tight, shuddering with each fresh waves of tears, and she can only hold him close.

 

*****

 

Zelena is waiting outside when Regina drives up to the farmhouse.  Regina pulls to a stop and tries to ignore the way Zelena is glaring at her through the windshield.  She grabs the plastic bag holding the serum-filled syringe and gets out of the car before walking over to Zelena.

 

“Are you sure about this?” Zelena asks, eyes flickering from the syringe in the bag to Regina’s face.  “If you’re right and you only get one chance at this, then…”

 

“If it’s going to work at all, then this is it,” Regina says quietly as she tries to smile.  Her hands tremble as she opens the bag and pulls out the syringe.  “Is she here?”

 

Zelena glances back at the house and nods.  “Yes.  She was busy with a book when I stepped outside, so you have a couple more minutes before she notices something is off.  Regina--”

 

“I’ll be fine,” Regina says immediately, slipping her coat off her shoulders and rolling up her right sleeve.  “I don’t know what will happen after, but this will work.”

 

Zelena just presses her lips together and nods, eyes fixed to Regina as she slips the needle into her skin and into her vein and depresses the syringe.  It burns the moment after, and Regina lets out a gasp as she drops the used syringe and focuses on what she has to do next.

 

“I’ll be fine,” she tells Zelena right before she poofs into the kitchen of the farmhouse.  

 

The Evil Queen glances up from her book and smirks at Regina as she says, “Here to kill me again?”

 

Regina moves and plunges her hand into the Evil Queen’s chest, clutching her heart and wrenching it free.  It pulses wildly in her hand, and she can feel her own answering it as she holds it close, trembling.

 

“I’m here to make things right,” Regina says, and she can see the panic on the Evil Queen’s face as she raises the heart.

 

She pushes it into her chest, deep inside to rest beside her own.  For a moment, she can feel them beating separately, disparate rhythms that make her chest feel too tight, her lungs unable to expand to take in another breath.  Regina falls to her knees and presses her hand over her skin, fighting against the urge to pull it back out.  It’s gone wrong; maybe it’s been too long, maybe she lost the right to be whole when she tore herself in two.

 

But then, but then, the beats change, no longer separate but together, one and--

 

*****

 

When Regina opens her eyes, the first thing she sees is light glinting off of red hair.  She blinks once, twice, shifts her head a little, and when she looks again, she sees Zelena curled up in a chair, neck at an awkward angle while she snores softly.  Regina’s mouth twitches with amusement, and she starts to sit up, groaning quietly when she realizes that she hurts all over.

 

She’s pushed gently back to the bed by someone else, and Emma says, “Hey, wait, slow down.”

 

“Emma?” Regina asks as Emma comes into her field of vision, face drawn as she leans over Regina.  “What happened?”

 

Emma shakes her head, hands smoothing down the blanket covering Regina as she says, “We thought you died.  I didn’t get there until after when Zelena called me.  Apparently you slipped into something like a coma.”

 

Regina’s eyes widen with alarm and she starts trying to sit up, weakly pushing at Emma when Emma moves back to force her to stay in the bed.

 

“How long?” Regina asks, her throat closing.  She goes still and grabs Emma’s hand, repeating, “How long, Emma?”

 

“Only for three days,” Zelena answers before Emma can even open her mouth.  Regina glances over at Zelena as she continues, “We took you to the hospital but there wasn’t anything medically wrong with you.  So we’ve been watching you every second in case you got worse.”

 

“Three days?” Regina whispers, looking back to Emma.  

 

Emma nods, her thumb stroking over the back of Regina’s hand even as she looks away.  “We were starting to get worried that you wouldn’t--”  Emma stops and looks at Regina, eyes wet with tears.  “Three days, Regina.”

 

Regina swallows and nods, squeezing Emma’s hand.  She’s about to ask about Henry when she hears him come in the room, already halfway through asking Emma a question before he’s even past the door.  He stops mid-sentence, and she looks over at him, smiling when she sees him.

 

“Henry,” Regina says quietly, barely even noticing that Emma drops her hand as Henry races forward.

 

He stops short of flinging himself at Regina and settles on the bed, hesitantly reaching out a hand to take hers.

 

“Mom,” he breathes out, grinning.  “You’re okay.”

 

She smiles.  “Yes.”

 

His face crumples, and she surges up from the bed, ignoring the way every muscle in her body aches as she wraps her arms around him, one hand coming up to cup the back of his head as he sobs and clings to her.

 

“You’re okay,” he says in between huge, shaky breaths.  “You’re okay, you’re okay.”

 

She presses a kiss to the side of his head and says, “I’m here.  I’m okay.  I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

 

She glances up, searching for Emma, but the room is empty except for her and Henry.  

 

*****

 

Later that night, Regina walks into her kitchen, stopping short when she sees Emma rummaging around in her freezer.

 

“I thought you went home,” Regina says, suppressing a small smile when Emma jumps and whirls to face her.

 

Emma shifts her weight and shrugs as she holds up the ice cream in her hand.  “Um, sorry.  I just didn’t want to leave after--well…  I guess I just didn’t think about it since I’ve been sleeping here for the past few days.”

 

“So you thought you would just help yourself to my ice cream?” Regina asks as she goes to a drawer to pull out two spoons.

 

Emma stays still and she says, “I can go if you want.  Now that you’re awake, it’s not like I have to be here.  So, um, I’ll go.”

 

Emma turns and puts the ice cream on the counter, and she’s halfway out of the room before Regina manages to understand and say, “Wait, you don’t have to leave.  I thought…”

 

“It’s no big deal.  I mean, you probably want some quiet after everything,” Emma says, shuffling her socked feet on the tile floor.  “I’ll see you later.”

 

“I don’t want you to go,” Regina says quickly before Emma can run out.  She pauses and remembers the spoons in her hand; she holds them up and smiles a little.  “We can have ice cream?”

 

Emma glances in the direction of the door like she might just leave anyway, and Regina forces herself to stay still, worried that she might accidentally spook Emma otherwise.  Then Emma nods and walks back to the counter, grabbing the ice cream carton and bringing it over to Regina.

 

Regina hands a spoon off to her and digs a small mouthful out of the ice cream with her own spoon.  They just eat for a few minutes in silence, not even looking at each other.

 

Emma is the first one to break the silence.  “How are you feeling?  I mean, do you feel any different since…”

 

“I don’t know,” Regina says with a slight shake of her head.  “I think I feel more settled, but I expected it to be different.  Harder.”

 

“Good,” Emma says, glancing up and giving Regina a small, tight smile.  “I’m glad.”

 

“How are you feeling, though?’ Regina asks as she puts her spoon to the side and watches Emma carefully.  

 

Emma stiffens but she says, “I’m fine.”

 

“Emma,” Regina murmurs as she reaches over to Emma.

 

Just as her fingers brush Emma’s hand, Emma jerks back and says, “I’m fine.  I’m just going to, um, I’m going to sleep on the couch.  Good night.”

 

Emma leaves, and Regina just watches her go.

 

*****

 

She wakes up the next morning and all the memories flood in.  Laughing as Hyde hurtles from the clock tower, her hand in Zelena’s chest, Jekyll’s body falling to the floor, watching while Hook bleeds out and enjoying it--

 

She curls up in her bed, eyes shut tight even as every single moment rolls over her, every thought and word and deed that belonged to the Evil Queen and now to her.  Her right hand claws at her chest over her heart, so tempted to pull it out, to pull _her_ out, because she can’t breathe, because this wasn’t her and yet it _was._

 

Her hand sinks through, and she grips her heart tight, fingers trembling as it pulses and she _remembers_.  She can’t start over; she can’t go back.  She promised to live, and that means she can’t be free because she promised she wouldn’t die.  

 

But she can’t move, not yet.  She breathes, and her heart beats in her hand, and she breathes.

 

*****

 

When she makes it downstairs, she sees the folded up blankets on the couch and sighs.  Zelena walks into the room, hands curled around a mug, and stops when she sees Regina.

 

“You slept late,” Zelena says, taking a sip of her tea.  She glances at the blankets Regina can’t stop staring at and says, “She left this morning right after I woke up.  Said she was going to be staying with her parents.”

 

Regina nods absently and runs her fingers over the soft fabric.  “Of course.  I can’t imagine that she’d want to go home after everything.”

 

“She could have always stayed here,” Zelena says with a shrug.

 

“Why?” Regina asks quietly.  She shakes her head, looking over at Zelena.  Everything still feels a little fuzzy, the pieces all there but scattered, but then she remembers.  “Oh, your heart.  She--I still have it.  Here.”

 

Regina summons it from where she’d tucked it away and holds it up, smiling a little as Zelena steps forward, reaching out for it.

 

“You remembered where it was?” Zelena asks as she holds her hand out.

 

Regina hands the heart over, hand trembling as she lets it go, saying, “I remember everything.”

 

Zelena watches her for a long moment, the heart gripped tightly in her right hand, and Regina waits, Then Zelena takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, plunging the heart deep into her chest She holds for a moment, and Regina starts to move to her in case something has gone wrong, but then Zelena opens her eyes and pulls her hand free.

 

“Well,” Zelena murmurs as Regina reaches out to her.  

 

Zelena recoils from Regina’s outstretched hand and just walks away, leaving Regina on her own in the center of the room, sunlight streaming in through the windows and across her open palm.

 

*****

 

She can’t sleep.  She lays in bed for hours, tossing and turning until her sheets are twisted down at her feet and she just stares up at the ceiling of her bedroom.  

 

Eventually she gives the idea of sleep up as a lost cause and heads down the stairs to the kitchen, debating the merits of having a cup or tea or opening a fresh bottle of wine.  When she reaches the bottom of the stairs, though, she’s distracted by the sound of the television coming from the living room.

 

Frowning, Regina goes to investigate and stops in the doorway when she sees Henry huddled up on the couch, the television screen the only light in the room.  

 

“Henry?” Regina says softly as she walks to the couch.

 

He jumps and turns his head to look at her, shoulders slumping.  “Mom.  I’m sorry.  I couldn’t sleep and I thought maybe watching something would help or something.”

 

“It’s okay,” Regina says, sitting down on the couch beside him.  She can’t see his face very well in the dark, but she can guess that this isn’t the first night this has happened.  “I couldn’t sleep, either.”

 

He nods, and she shifts closer, fingers plucking at the fabric of her pajamas as she tries to pay attention to whatever he’s watching.  It’s one of those competition cooking shows, but it looks absurd; she thinks she sees one of the chefs cooking on a hot plate instead of a stove.  

 

She shakes her head and glances over at Henry.  “How long have you not been able to sleep?”

 

Henry doesn’t look away from the television screen, shrugging as he says, “I don’t know.  It’s just one of those night.”

 

“Henry.”  She sighs and angles her body towards him.  “I know things have been hard and scary recently, but you can always talk to me about anything.  No matter what, okay?”

 

He nods, jaw clenched as he rubs at his eyes, and she moves closer until she can drape an arm across his shoulders.  He stiffens at the touch and she almost withdraws but then he leans into her, resting his head on her shoulder.

 

“I can’t sleep, Mom,” he mumbles as she holds him close, cheek leaning on the top of his head.  “Not since you--not since you shot her.”

 

She inhales sharply.  “Oh, Henry--”

 

“I’m so scared, Mom,” he says, and she can feel his tears soaking through her shirt as he speaks through huge, shuddering breaths.  “I woke up and you weren’t here.  And I can’t--I can’t _sleep._ ”

 

“Henry, I’m so sorry,” she breathes out, her voice breaking.  “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.  I’m so sorry.”

 

“I know, Mom,” Henry replies.  He wraps his arms around her waist, holding so, so tight.  “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too, Henry,” Regina says, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  “So, so much.”

 

She feels his head nod, and she smiles a little as she relaxes back into the couch, eyes flickering back to the television to see that the show has switched to an infomercial.

 

“Do you want to watch something else?” she asks as Henry turns and shifts in her arms until he’s more comfortable, his head tucked under her chin.

 

“No, this is good,” he mumbles.

 

She just moves her hand to his back, rubbing gentle circles as his breathing evens out and she lets her eyes close.

 

*****

 

When Regina walks into the diner the next day, someone flinches when they see her.  She stops and stares, because it’s not undeserved but it stings and there’s a small part of her begging for the opportunity to respond, to hurt until that disgust is turned to fear.  

 

She pushes that thought away and down, turning her head to scan the room for Snow because she’d asked Regina to meet her here and Regina shouldn’t have come, it’s too much, too many people--

 

“Regina,” Snow says, and Regina jumps when Snow’s hand lands on her elbow.  “I have a booth in the back.”

 

Regina nods and follows after Snow, sliding into the booth across from her, back turned to the diner.  Ruby is there almost instantly with a cup of coffee for Regina and two menus, leaving as quickly as she appeared.  Regina curls her hand around the mug and stares down at the black liquid.

 

“I thought meeting here would be good because you’ve barely been out of the house since--”  Snow pauses and clears her throat.  “I was worried that you were shutting yourself away.”

 

“It’s been hard since I gained all of her memories,” Regina says quietly, not looking up. “But I’m fine.”

 

Snow sighs and says, “Regina, you look like you haven’t slept in days.”

 

“Henry hasn’t been sleeping very well,” Regina replies with a shrug of her shoulders.  “I’m fine.”

 

She glances up at Snow and sees that determined frown, and she’s tempted to just leave.  But Snow doesn’t say anything else, opting to doctor her coffee with an almost nauseating amount of sugar and creamer.  Snow pushes both in her direction but Regina shakes her head and takes a small sip of her coffee.  

 

“There is something that I’ve been thinking about since you were in the hospital,” Snow says quietly.

 

Regina cocks an eyebrow and asks, “What is that?”

 

“Up until that moment when I was looking at you in that bed, I never thought about what we were asking you to do.  To give up.”  Snow’s lips tremble and she reaches across the table to take Regina’s hand.  “It seemed so easy for you to just...get rid of that part of yourself.  I didn’t think about what it might cost you.”

 

Regina looks down at Snow’s hand over her own and almost jerks away, the warmth of Snow’s skin stifling, but she holds still as she says, “You had other things to worry about.  It’s not like she--the Evil Queen, I mean…”  Regina breaks off and laughs, the sound harsh and tearing through her throat.  “That part of me wasn’t _kind_ or interested in anything other than destroying all of you and finally winning. I chose to cut that out of me because _I_ was afraid.  You weren’t wrong to be afraid of it, either.”

 

“I was the one who suggested the serum in the first place,” Snow says quietly, tears starting to slip down her cheeks.  

 

“And I chose to use it,” Regina snaps, pulling her hand free of Snow’s.  Snow flinches, and Regina sighs, the bristling anger fading away.  “I made my own choices, and I’m the one who has to live with them.  I can’t--don’t ask me to forgive you for something you didn’t even do.”

 

“Regina, how I felt was selfish,” Snow says as she tries to reach out to Regina again.

 

Regina ignores her outstretched hand and mutters, “So was I.  And mine ended up with a body count.”

 

Snow wipes away her tears and sighs before she says, “Emma isn’t sleeping well, either.”

 

“What?” Regina asks, confused.

 

“Emma gets up at night,” Snow says, a frown pulling at the corners of her mouth.  “I hear her sometimes.  But she won’t tell me why she can’t sleep.”

 

“She’s been through a lot,” Regina says with a shrug.  “She might just need some time.”

 

Snow shakes her head.  “She needs you.  She misses you.”

 

“She doesn’t.  I’m the last person she wants to see,” Regina says, looking away.  “She’s made that very clear.”

 

“That’s not true, Regina,” Snow replies with a soft smile.

 

“How do you know that?” Regina asks as she clenches her right hand into a fist, nails biting into her palm.

 

“You’re her friend, her _best friend_ ,” Snow says, leaning forward, her smile widening.  “Emma talks to you when she won’t talk to me.  She needs you right now.”

 

“You can’t--”  Regina swallows hard and says, voice low, “You can’t interfere like this.  You have no right to put me in this position.”

 

Snow’s smile fades as she says, “My daughter is hurting and grieving right now so yes, I’m going to do whatever I can to help her.  I’ve tried but I can’t help her.  So I’m asking you to please, just... _please_.”

 

“I don’t know what to say to her,” Regina admits, blinking hard to keep from crying.

 

“You’ll figure something out,” Snow says, reaching across the table to pat Regina’s hand.  “Now, do you want to order something to eat?”

 

Regina sits there for a moment, breathing in, out, closing her eyes as her mind whirls, almost giddy with anger at Snow for manipulating her like this even as she pushes that away because Snow is _trying_.  

 

“I have to go,” Regina mumbles as she slides awkwardly out of the booth, legs shaky as she stands and turns to walk away.  

 

She knows Snow is calling after her, probably confused, but she keeps walking, keeps moving forward as tears burn in her eyes.

 

*****

 

She stands outside the apartment door for a full five minutes before just letting herself in.  She can hear the television from the front door so she heads in that direction, smiling a little when she sees Emma slouched on the couch.

 

“Did my parents send you?” Emma asks without looking away from the television.

“Something like that,” Regina says as she walks to the couch and sits down beside Emma.  “How are you feeling?”

 

Emma snorts and shrugs her shoulders, her attention focused on what looks like an episode of _Law and Order_.  Regina licks her lips, smoothing her hands down her thighs as she watches the detectives onscreen bend over a body covered with a white sheet.  She blinks, looking away quickly.

 

“I’m fine.  You can go home,” Emma says, sighing.  “I don’t need a babysitter.”

 

“You left without saying anything,” Regina says quietly.  “I woke up that morning and you were gone.”

 

“I wonder what that feels like,” Emma snaps, turning her head to look at Regina, eyes dark.

 

Regina frowns and says, “I didn’t do any of that to _hurt_ you, Emma.”

 

Emma holds her gaze for a long moment then nods, eyes darting away.  “I know.  I know that.  I didn’t think about it that day.  I just needed--I couldn’t stay there.  So I left.”

 

“Okay,” Regina whispers.

 

“Are you serious?” Emma says, scoffing as she looks back at Regina.  “That’s all you have to say?”

 

Regina bites down on her bottom lip, a frustrated scream hovering at the back of her throat.  “What do you want me to say, Emma?  Just tell me and I will because I don’t know what to do here.  So just _tell_ me.”

 

Emma shrinks back against the couch, crossing her arms over her stomach as she says, “I don’t know.  Maybe, I...I don’t know.”

 

“All right.”  Regina curls her hands over knees and takes a breath before standing up.  “I’ll just go.”

 

“No,” Emma says immediately, bolting upright, grabbing onto Regina’s hand.  “I don’t want you to go.”

 

“What do you want from me?” Regina asks even as she lets Emma pull her back down to the couch until they are sitting side by side, Emma’s fingers sliding in between hers until their palms are pressed together.

 

“Just stay,” Emma breathes out.

 

“Okay,” Regina says with a slight smile, unable to look away.  “I’ll stay.”

 

  

 


End file.
